Monday, 26 March 2007

When Dancing Goes Wrong - a Pictorial Analysis

I have come to the horrible realisation (just as this woman has judging by her face) that I'm not sure I know how to dance anymore. I mean, at indie clubs where you know all the songs because they play the same shit every week (plus the occasional renegade 'oh how ironic are we' song such as Material Girl by Madonna or Video Killed the Radio Star or something) it is easy because you pretty much just sing along in a very exaggerated manner, and let's be honest, even act out the words if you're drunk enough, but real dancing? Kettle of fish mate, kettle of fish.
Still, in order to miss the most common of mistakes, here is my guide to what happens
When Dancing Goes Wrong

Dancing to dance music in an indie way.
Result? A terrible mixture of headbanging, confusion, and gesturing for that small dwarf in the corner of the room to 'call me'

Keepin' it reeeeel a little bit too much in an Indie Club.
Result? Everyone look at the man holding the invisible umbrella

Dancing to a somber song whilst really drunk
If you listen to the lyrics too much the face doesn't match the unparalleled joy purveyed by the waggling fingers. This yields a look not dissimilar to a biblical portrait of a matyr. If however the face is lit up in a 'God I LOVE The Smiths!' kind of way, it doesn't match the more somber 'leave me alone I am sad' hand movement. This leaves you looking like you are trying to cop a feel.

Dancing to RnB in a way you consider to be how to dance to RnB
Result? Your friends pretend you don't exist as you impersonate a pissed off hieroglyphic behind their backs.

Mistaking miming instruments as dancing
Result? Ruining perfectly nice group photos by insisting on playing the invisible slap-bass and giving the impression you are a group of carers and their charge, on a day out from Sheltered Accomodation.

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