Monday, 26 March 2007

The Vinegar of Jesus.

In a moment of crushing boredom, I decided to look up Apple Cider Vinegar on the internet, after a mooch around Holland and Barrett made me wonder why it was so great.


If you believe the internet, ACV prety much cures all your woes AND makes you lose weight by zapping fat or some shit. And I quote:

"the reported cures from drinking Apple Cider Vinegar are numerous: allergies (including pet, food and environmental), sinus infections, acne, high cholesterol, flu, chronic fatigue, candida, acid reflux, sore throats, contact dermatitis, arthritis, and gout. One reader reported that a shot of ACV saved him from going to the emergency room for heart pain. Apple Cider Vinegar also breaks down fat and is widely used to lose weight. It has also been reported that a daily dose of apple cider vinegar in water has soaring blood pressure under control in two weeks!

If you can get over the taste of apple cider vinegar, you will find it one of the most important natural remedies in healing the body.

As a wonderful side effect of drinking apple cider vinegar every day, we discovered that it brings a healthy, rosy glow to one's complexion! This is great news if you suffer from a pale countenance."

Hmm, thought I, I certainly have a pale counternance and a fat arse - maybe ACV, apparently Jesus in the form of sour piss-tasting apple brew, will be the answer to all my prayers!

So sure enough, this week I am testing it out. And not by half either, I figured to really get the most out of drinking a shot of 'orrible rancid piss every day, I might as well REALLY test it out. So I am eating a lot of taramasalata. And cake. Not together.

And no, the Jesus vinegar is not just for humans! Like the real Jesus himself if he had ever existed Jesus Vinegar loves all living things!

"Apple Cider Vinegar is also wonderful for dogs, cats, and horses. It helps them with arthritic conditions, controls fleas & barn flies, and gives a beautiful shine to their coats!"

Maybe I should try feeding some to the hamster, just to see what happens. He's quite a sturdy little thing - he accidentally rolled his ball into a puddle of bleach yesterday and is fine!

I wonder what Jesus Vinegar does to plants...

p.s How fabulous is that cake? I wish I was eating cake like that, opposed to stale slices from Happening Bagels. Boo

No comments: