Can I get a reeeewiiind?

I've just redone my old post on Paris is Burning.

I think you should read.

Walking, Talking, Living Doll

I don't know who this classy lady is, but much like Sienna Miller a few posts back, she appears to have jumped into a time machine and asked the 6 year old Biche for makeup advice. Only this little dollface raided my dressing up box too!

TRUFAX! I used to have the most amazing black velvet and gold lame leopard print strapless cocktail dress when I was younger. I mean, obviously it didn't stay up and it reached the floor rather than a be-stockinged knee and I wore it over jeans and a t shirt, but I was still clearly The Shit. My friends had to make do with cast off gypsy skirts and parachute pants.

Natasha Bedingfield, I Take it Back..

Okay, I don't really, but I have discovered a large jawed blonde who musically and physically makes Miz Bedingfield look like the new Madonna-Kylie savior of all music. Who is this awful wench I hear you cry?

CASCADA!


You know if you listen to the radio/MTV a lot (or in my current unemployed state, spend time in the gym where MTV Dance is blasted out at Noriega surrendering levels, rendering even ipods useless) there are always certain songs you don't out and out hate because they are too lame and dirivitive to actually inspire emotion,but suffer stoicly? (much like a russian peasant pulling a plough across a potato farm in a blizzard)


That dance version of Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply?
That rip off of Toca's Miracle?
That godforsaken 'Everytime We Touch'?
At least four others which I thankfully cannot recall at this time?

CASCADA DID THEM ALL!

The woman isn't actually calle Cascada, and there are at least two dj's who make up this trio of the damned, but I don't care because she has terrible extensions that make her look like she has a long haired terrier trapped under her Bruce Willis jaw and I am a deeply shallow person. Who hates alcopop dance music. (except Perfect Exceeder which is a TUNE)

Sometimes You Just KNOW...

If I was this darling child's mother I would buy him a subscription to Vogue toot sweet...that's what Karl Largerfeld's mother did for him when he was eight and look how he turned out! (ok, rather scary looking, but very succesful and rich and from that I am shallowly guessing happy) I think that would be the most lucrative industry for someone of his pursuasion - well, certainly better paid than a backing dancer for Beyonce, who by the time he is old enough will be about forty herself; no doubt still shaking like paint mixer, albeit a large wobbly one that sheds bits of weave, the odd tooth and false eyelash as she 'dances'.

No, I definitely would not want my child to be a backing dancer for Beyonce, he would be crippled by the age of twenty five and then he would move back home again and I would be like 'goddamn Mani, could you at least do the washing up? I support you all your life and what do I get in return? Stall tickets to a Beyonce concert and a load of pubes in the shower. It isn't good enough. Why can't you be a successful fashion designer like your co-incidentally also gay brother? He's at Dior now, and sends me freebies all the time! I don't care if your lower back is shot - those dishes aren't doing themselves!'

p.s Why we are on the topic of man love; just watched Eddie Murphy: Raw and it sent my usually accurate gaydar into overdrive..I think he must be a bit of a Robbie Williams as the large amounts of children he has sired suggests not a total aversion to womanly pleasures; although I think we can discount Scary Spice as she is
a)not particularly straight herself and
b)looks like a tranny.
(Called their child Fortuna btw...makes me just think of tuna, in particular the smell of tuna, but that might just me and my lack of imagination when it comes to word association)

Person of the Day - New York

Don't you just love how she rocks the 'broken neck and arse for a chest' look? The tampon string adornment is just genius!

New York was a tranny-liscious contestant on 'Flavor of Love' a show where Flavor Flav of Public Enemy put girls through their paces in his search for his ideal woman.

What this actually meant is that Flav and twelve mental fame-hungry ho bags all live in a house together, bitching, sniping and gobbing at each other whilst Flav pretty much gets to shag each of them, shout 'Flavor Flaaaaaav!' really loudly at random intervals and spend the rest of the time sniggering whilst said bitchfighting happens.

New York came second, but stood out from the other girls, not only because she apparently TRULY HONESTLY WITH ALL MAH HEART (much chest pounding and tears)loved the senile rasin that is Flav, but because she openly admitted (all the time) she hated the other girls and shot them looks of death whenever Flav decided he wanted to have a snog/grope their arses/make hideously crude comments which was pretty much most of the time.

I particularly liked it when her Mum visited to meet Flav and turned out to be the most down-to-earth, anti-reality tv woman ever. She also said what the viewers had been thinking all along:

"Honey he is a 46 year old man who wears a giant clock around his neck. It doesn't even have batteries in it. Come on now."

I should actually be making New York's dragon of a Mum POTD, but she would not have been so great had she not given birth to the most deluded, unwittingly hilarious, fame-hungry, fabulously transvestite looking daughter in the world EVAH.

Photo of the day

A scour around my computer threw up this image, which is one of hundreds from www.maskon.com which caters to men who like to wear female latex masks as part of their cross dressing.
God knows who gave me the link to the site, probably the same source that leaves me with photos of grown men in nappies on my harddrive, but I think it's kind of cool! (not in the same way that lead me to admitting to fancying the boy who I used to do philosophy with who dressed up as Edgar Allen Poe everyday...latex masks do not have the same allure as someone who looks like he snorts snuff and goes to a gentleman's club to discuss the plight of the match selling orphans over a whisky and soda, but that's just me)

Is the Metro Showbiz column staffed by monkeys?

Today's little gems:

'Allen shrugged as the cheers erupted for Winehouse, who looked slightly incoherent during her acceptance speech'
First off, Winehouse was not anywhere near incoherent, in fact she seemed remarkably sober as she thanked her parents AND there was at least one shot of Lily smiling and clapping Winehouse.

'Halle Berry cannot understand why she is yet to find a man. 'I'm open, honest and fun so I don't know what the problem is,' she said'
She might well have said this, but certainly not after last summer since she has been going out with a Versace model called Gabriel. Come on, there have been rumors of her pregnancy and engagement since Christmas so the woman is far from single!

'Whitney Houston is having an online auction of items belonging to former husband Bobby Brown. 'I want to clear up my life and this is the start' she said.
Again a case of gossip drawn from an old issue of More! found on the bus - she has already done this...back in January.

' Jodie Marsh is furious a drag queen act is using the name Jodie Harsh. 'People actually think I am performing' Moaned the glamour model. 'And she is ugly''

Hmm, she sure looks furious to me...

First off, Jodie Harsh has been established as one of London's premier drag queens for quite a while now, and this photo is at least a year old.

Secondly, I doubt anyone would think Marsh not Harsh was performing as Harsh hosts the Circus night at Soho Review Bar, the poster for which always has a massive photo of her on..

Thirdly, Harsh is better looking than Marsh anyway!

It makes me mad to think that this time next week I will be unemployed, yet the Metro actually pay people like Neil Sean to regurgitate months old rumours as fact and then fill in the gaps with lazyily made up lies!
AND he looks like a smug twat.

Release the dogs!