April is Such A Cheery Month

Props to the people behind 'Genocide Prevention and Awareness Month' . They may lack a catchy roll-off-the-tounge name, but at least they don't conjour up a world where Fred West is Santa Claus and children skip around a maypole made from barbed wire charged with live electricity.

The Rock-afire Explosion - My New Favourite Band

..well, that and the creepiest thing I have seen all year. This might seem a rather glib thing to say on January 2nd, but I happen to be watching a tv show which compiles all the most popular Youtube clips of 2008. So actually I've already seen a pelican eat a pigeon and a dog having a wank. So there.

Aaanyway, from what I can gleam from Youtube and Wikipedia, the Rock-afire Explosion were an animatronic robot band (oh but of course!) that they had installed in lots of Shobiz Pizza Places across the US of A. I feel this demostrates both how seriously Americans take their pizza consumption experience, and how much damn space there is, that they could have a full sized robot band in every joint. And both these things make me jealous.



But yeah, now someone has funked up childhood nightmares, got robots to sing rude songs and put it on Youtube and of course the result is fabulous! There is quite a good Shakira one too you should check out as it includes cheeky inter-puppet banter.

Some places in America still have grimy fluff and latex covered robots to jerk around while you eat and haunt your dreams while you sleep, although with a new rubbish and more basic lineup. This is apparently because of process known as 'concept unification' which is a typically bullshit marketing phrase if ever I heard one, but thankfully one that has a hideous mid 90's video to go with it, which basically seeks to justify why a giant jerky Italian Chef isn't a weird choice of robot to put the kids at ease as they descend into obesity.



You might notice how I now am just linking things, rather than do my usual 'see it HERE'. Think of it as a supremely minor resolution for 2009. Aim small kids, avoid disappointment

The Henrietta Barnett School for Girls, Wizards.

Yes, I was one. (not that I really shout it from the rooftops unless trying to win an argument with someone usually of a male, middle age and patronising persuasion). Unsurprisingly some of my friends are ones too. Yesterday, my friend Ms G commented that whilst bored at work, she had googled our old alma mater and was confused because on Wikipedia under 'famous alummni' it included someone we vaguely knew as 'groupie extrordinare'.

Today, while bored at home - well, watching Hollyoaks omnibus but whatevs - I did the same, and this is what I found... (click to make bigger):
Yes, that's right, Ms G, graduate of 'one of the top academic schools in the country' noticed Robin Driscoll, but failed to see that "The school uses a system much like that in operation at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where only the smartest can see the school buildings. This is why some candidates cannot find the school when arriving for entrance examinations."

I do like the basically accurate zing 'The school was judged by The Times newspaper to rank 1st and 2nd best achieving state school according to GCSE^[3] and A Level^[4] results, respectively (thanks to a combination of the girls' natural intelligence and intensive tuition to make up for lack of teaching)' but I feel I must state that this was Nothing To Do With Me as I would have done it a lot better.

High Wycombe - Where 'It' certainly is at

From the town's (population 92,300 located west-north-west of London...whatever the hell that means) Wikipedia entry:

"The university students union has seen many celebrities from The Killers, to several Big Brother stars to Vernon Kaye and former England Volleyball player Paul Galbraith.

The pub the White Horse appeared on 'Britain's toughest pubs'. They include free strip shows during the day. There is also a nightclub called the Blue Room in the suburb of Hazlemere."

I know, I know, THE Paul Galbraith, the man, the myth the legend...well certainly the myth, as although I have found him mentioned on at least three sites about High Wycombe, he does not appear to exist anywhere else (unless he also moonlights as a Scottish classical guitarist of some repute). Please attempt to prove me wrong, to think I am the only person who has ever wasted their life typing 'Paul Galbraith volleyball england' into Google is eminently depressing.

Well in any case his sexily elusive celebrity status still shits all over 'Mornonic Ken doll with Extra chewing gums for teefs' Vernon Kay and 'I look like Biche's friend Ben but, like, retarded' Brandon Flowers.

Incidentally, here is the Mayor of High Wycombe. Sexy beehatch has my haircut and taste for delicate refined jewellery.

Won't Somebody Think of the Children?

Possibly the creepiest Wikipedia entry I have found to date*




* I was looking up the Todd Solondz film 'Happiness' yeah?

Random Wikipedia Factoid of the Day

"Erica attended Robert Fulton Junior High in Van Nuys, California. During her teenage years, Eleniak became a regular on the San Fernando Valley party circuit and she began to use alcohol and drugs regularly.^[2] Steve Ferguson, a quadriplegic who socialised in the same circles as Eleniak, helped curtail her problem by introducing her to Alcoholics Anonymous in 1988 and helping her through her detoxification.^[3] Eleniak dated Ferguson for a while and there was talk of an engagement, but the relationship ended and her mother, Iris, ended up marrying Ferguson's father instead.<sup>[4]"

Huh.

Sorry, I have been really crap on the ole blog of late...no real excuses, just feels as if my brain has turned into a wheezing moribund bit of roadkill. Keep checking though, one day soon I will write something so inspired it will blow your socks off and people will quote it for years to come, causing 'Biche' to go down in history as an adjective for 'something really ace'</sup>

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

Hello, sorry, been somewhat at a low ebb today due to inactivity, boredom and a chill caused by being too embarrassed to ask for the air con to be turned down AGAIN. I thought I was a champion for the people until I realised that half the people near me were lounging around in T shirts.

Maybe I'm one of those Lizard People David Ike talks about. I was starting to wonder why David Attenborough was hiding in my filing cabinet, filming me from behind a stack of old ASA ajudications.

Aaaanyway, as I have mentioned before, tomorrow I will be blogging the Brits in all their boring glory, so I will save all my inspiration juice for then.
For now I will leave you with a photo of one band mysteriously left off the nominations for Best International Band, the 'Japanese Beatles' aka Bump of Chicken.
I have never actually heard The Bump, but am already in love with them thanks to their wonderful Wikipedia entry (HERE) which features not only their album and single titles, but each member's blood group and the fact that the lead singer "enjoys doing laundry, cannot eat spicy foods, has poor eyesight and likes to eat chicken"

Someone Has Too Much Time On Their Hands..

...apart from me. Observe in all it's glory, the Wikipedia entry for Edd the Duck (most hilariously tenuious bits in bold):

"Edd the Duck (originally Ed the Duck) is a popular puppet mallard duck with green hair who appeared on the Children's BBC "The Broom Cupboard" in-vision continuity alongside (human) presenters Andy Crane and Andi Peters.
He made his debut in late 1988, originally with a bald head until a viewer sent in a mohican-style hairpiece, which became his trademark. His co-star and enemy was Wilson the Butler, a character who was off screen apart from his arm visible to the viewers.
Edd the Duck starred in a number of pantomimes and short films along side actors including Bill Oddie and Gorden Kaye. One of his best-loved films shows how be became a zookeeper at Twycross Zoo and fed the chimps at their tea party. Another of his films shows how he trained to be a top chef and made afternoon tea for the Queen and in another he learns to fly a plane and serves crusty bread, pond weed and pizza to his duck passengers.

His ambition is to be a Blue Peter pet.
Edd the Duck also starred in two computer games from Zeppelin Games. He was the official mascot of the English competitors at the 1994 Commonwealth Games as well as being adopted as the official mascot of the British Olympic team.
Edd the Duck released his own single, "Awesome Doody!" in 1990 - after receiving singing lessons from Sonia, who advised him to use the rap genre.
CHORUS:
I'm hip, hop, happening and I'm totally gonna die,
I'm Edd the Duck and I'm an awesome doody!
Edd the Duck is also a great fan of Kylie Minogue who popped in to visit him in the Broom Cupboard.
A theatrical duck, Edd parodied Warren Beatty's character, appearing in a yellow raincoat as Duck Tracy with his mute friend as Quackless Baloney.
Edd the Duck was also found responsible for the phenomenon of "Quack Circles" after the growing prevalence of crop circles across the country. These were yellow circles with the word "quack" written on them and it was not until they appeared with increasing frequency and even on the BBC symbol before Neighbours that Andi Peters realised Edd was responsible.
Edd the Duck had his own cartoon strip in a BBC magazine. He was also parodied in a cartoon strip called "The Garbage man", which appeared in short lived British comic Toxic.
Edd's birthday is 1st June, but he is perpetually six years old."

I reckon the main suspects are either Andi Peters or some man with a cold, cold hand who spent the 90's crouched under a desk with his head in Andi's crotch.

Fun Fact! - Penis Panic

Still slightly preoccupied by the Penis Power woman below, I thought I would noodle around on wikipedia, and under the entry 'penis panic' (a condition in which an individual is overcome with the belief that his/her external genitals—or also, in females, breasts—are retracting into the body, shrinking, or in some male cases, may be imminently removed or disappear.) I found this little gem of a story:

"In September 2003, the Middle East Media Research Institute reported a hysteria of "penis-melting cyborg combs" in Khartoum, capital of Sudan.^{[citation needed]}

Sudanese victims were made to believe by force of suggestion that their penises would melt away after they shared an electronic (or "cyborg") comb, shook hands, or received a verbal curse. The so-called "penis-melting" has been blamed on Zionists trying to wipe out the Sudanese people by making their men unable to reproduce.

The hysterical reports were spread throughout Sudan by means of cell phone text-messaging.

Local media also contributed to the idea's spread. The Sudanese columnist Ja'far Abbas has warned visitors to avoid shaking hands with "a dark-skinned man". In reference to the electronic comb which was supposed to have caused one man's penis to disappear, Abbas writes, "No doubt, this comb was a laser-controlled surgical cyborg that penetrates the skull, [passes] to the lower body and emasculates a man!!"

Sudanese police investigated the claims and have found no evidence of anything supernatural, and that it is likely a hoax which victims believed through the power of suggestion. Mr. Abul-Gasim Mohamed Ibrahim, Sudan's Minister of Health, issued official statements to calm the public's fears.

The phrase "Penis-melting Zionist cyborg combs" has been coined to describe this humorous story. It was originally incorrectly attributed to Wall Street Journal's James Taranto writing in his "Best of the Web Today".^[1] However, a quick perusal of the article in question reveals no such phrase, nor anything similar beyond the words "penis melt"."

Person of the Day - Al Franken

Just watching a documentary on him now, he is basically like Michael Moore but a Michael Moore who doesn't obviously distort his facts so much and is a hell of a lot more likeable.

He is a radio DJ, writer (see left) and standup comic and I think he is now running for senate or something somewhere too.

I quite like the fact that Fox News sued over this book (fair and balanced is their news trademark) but the case was laughed out of court because Franken's book is pretty much as impartial as their news output i.e not at bloody all.

He is one of those people who is constantly being attacked by rabid republicans but always manages to come back with good humour AND win the argument. As one who tries to use this technique all the time but gets so caught up in being a wit that the whole point is totally lost, I have great respect for him. For mainly this reason therefore he is my official P.O.D (not that that means much as the only other person to be awarded this accolade so far is Yahoo Serious)

Wiki-wiki-wah should you desire more info (its well annoying how I can't work out how to make the linkage bits a brighter colour. Click on the Wiki anyway)

Person of the Day - Yahoo Serious

The first in an occasional series where I showcase random people I found out about and for some reason - possibly to justify the waste of time - wish to share with you the bounty of new knowledge.

YAHOO SERIOUS

I'm not sure how I found out about this fellow, who looks like a cross between Carrot Top (another entrant for P.O.D, possibly to be renamed Ginger of The Day at this rate) and Nev who I used to work with in Ha! Ha!

His Wikipedia entry is HERE but in summary it appears he makes films about Einstein being an Aussie (hence the cockatoo, Ayers Rock and general sense of over confident masculine bravado) I'm guessing he probably goes to France too, maybe on a tug boat...good times had by all? Who can tell. My Lovefilm subscription is running out so sure as hell not me!

I did find out that he changed his name in promotion for this undoubtably fantastic film, only to be unable to change it back as Australia only allows people to change their names once.

And that he tried to sue Yahoo! and lost.

An epic Shakespearian tale of love, corruption and curtain haircuts

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_%28band%29

My addiction to Wikipedia is a little bit worrying...