Ask Propecia Anything

I've been emailing this to various people at work and stuff, and as it has been a while and I haven't quite worked up the energy to do a proper post, I'll just stick it here for the meantime.



Note: Watch with headphones on.

Japanese meme (NSFW if you work isn't keen on epilepsy inducing shots of male buttocks)

Oh poo, since I wrote the title, the best example of this bizarreness which included the flashing bumcheeks has been taken offline. Ho hum, such is life..

I found this brilliant article on Gawker today. In a nutshell, the collected works of gay pornstar Billy Herrington have become massive internet hits in Japan, ten odd years after their release. Being massive internet hits, they have been mashed up in various bizarre forms, and this being Japan these are very odd indeed, generally including rhythms beaten out on arsecheeks, baby's faces covering genitals and lots of grunting. Well, watch for yourself really...





Why have they become hits? Quite simply the English for 'You got me mad now', when growled by a beefcake in an echoey locker room sounds a lot like 'You are not distorted' in Japanese and 'Like embarrasing me, huh?' becomes 'You are sloppy recently' respectively. Oh, and it's like, two dudes wrestling and that is huhuhuhuh so gay.

Can someone with more accomplished (a.k.a any) video skills see what happens if we overlay Japanese tenticle porn with Something Kinda Ooh by Girls Aloud? Oh, but cover all the rude bits with photos of Matt Lucas' head? Then speed the whole thing up so it looks like people having a fit in a fishmongers to the sound of chipmunks singing? Internizze hizzle right there yo.

How to Hypnotise a Woman (NSFW if you can bare to watch it all the way through)

I defy you to find one woman this could possibly, ever, ever, work on, those having undergone frontal lobotomies or aged under eight excluded. That said, Brenda's sheer gullability and the toys on her bed suggest that actually both these things might be the case...

Honestly, it's more like an episode of The Red Shoe Diaries than a self help video and was clearly made for men by men who clearly haven't spent much time in the company of those who are not men.

Note to self: If any therapist ever utters the word 'horny' run for the fucking hills!

Quit yo snarking..

I saw this video on a website, where is was (quite rightly) being merrily derided for being one of the shittest music videos ever. Honestly, watch it through, it's bloody terrible.. BUT I have not been able to get the song out my head all week.




Edit: If you watch this video on Youtube it has funny comments that pop up, but it doesn't seem to work when you embed it.

It's quite an interesting story really, Jan Terri worked as a limousine driver to fund recording her music (hence the rather ubiquitous use of the limo in the video) and made a load of terrible cheapo videos to promote them, which she would give out to the snarky media types she chauffered around. These little videos, which featured the Cabbage Patch-esque Terri wandering around bleak cityscapes like a little be-leathered baked potato, were dubbed from VHS to VHS (remember life before DVDs and Youtube?) and passed around media agencies until Ms Terri was something of a cult hit in such circles.

Then one day Marilyn Manson saw them, met Terri, and was so impressed by her sincerity that he hired her to play at his party and even open a show for him. Well, that's what Wikipedia says, I'd like to think that he was genuinely impressed and he wasn't just laughing at her some more, but in any case, she got another album and a greater cult following out of it, so I guess everybody sort of won.

Anyway I genuinely really like it, it's a good little new wave pop song, okay so not exactly in tune and bloody rough around the edges, but a catchy little song indeed.

I also think Jan deserves props for her sheer perseverence and chuzpah to keep doing what she loved, and not letting her looks, her lack of dollar or, let's face it, her slight trouble holding a note, hold her back.

The Rock-afire Explosion - My New Favourite Band

..well, that and the creepiest thing I have seen all year. This might seem a rather glib thing to say on January 2nd, but I happen to be watching a tv show which compiles all the most popular Youtube clips of 2008. So actually I've already seen a pelican eat a pigeon and a dog having a wank. So there.

Aaanyway, from what I can gleam from Youtube and Wikipedia, the Rock-afire Explosion were an animatronic robot band (oh but of course!) that they had installed in lots of Shobiz Pizza Places across the US of A. I feel this demostrates both how seriously Americans take their pizza consumption experience, and how much damn space there is, that they could have a full sized robot band in every joint. And both these things make me jealous.



But yeah, now someone has funked up childhood nightmares, got robots to sing rude songs and put it on Youtube and of course the result is fabulous! There is quite a good Shakira one too you should check out as it includes cheeky inter-puppet banter.

Some places in America still have grimy fluff and latex covered robots to jerk around while you eat and haunt your dreams while you sleep, although with a new rubbish and more basic lineup. This is apparently because of process known as 'concept unification' which is a typically bullshit marketing phrase if ever I heard one, but thankfully one that has a hideous mid 90's video to go with it, which basically seeks to justify why a giant jerky Italian Chef isn't a weird choice of robot to put the kids at ease as they descend into obesity.



You might notice how I now am just linking things, rather than do my usual 'see it HERE'. Think of it as a supremely minor resolution for 2009. Aim small kids, avoid disappointment

The Yoof of Today

Call me naive and not 'down with the kids', but I thought eight year olds daydreamed about Bratz, the Jonas Brothers and gummy hairbands, not obese hippos sensually wallowing in chocolate to the dulcet tones of Terrence Trent D'Arby.

Wheres My Bees at?

This video is just brilliant - not only does it neatly tie in to an earlier post of mine where I wax (arf!) lyrical about the Blind Melon video featuring a Beegirl, but it highlights a very serious issue, namely that the bees of the world are mysteriously dying out. As someone who has been known to eat honey at every meal (on toast, in yoghurt, with brie in sandwiches, in tea yadda yadda) this concerns me, but as I also simply love saying 'bee', the prospect of never likening oneself to a 'squashed bee' or a 'bumbling old bee' or a 'dozy fat bee in a jar' is simply devistating.

The word 'bee' exudes fuzzy joviality and bumbling joy, it should not be associated with death and (some would have you believe) the destruction of the planet!

The Narcasstic Praise Hounds of Love are Calling

This is a rather long INFURIATING report about 'Millenials' or work shy young shits like my good self (and you if you were born between 1980 and 1995). I defy you not to throw your iphone through the lcd screen of your laptop after watching about five minutes of this utter claptrap.
Yeah times have changed Grandpa, young people no longer want to wear suits and trilbys or 'punch a timecard'. If you keep slapping your secretary on the arse, chances are she will quit and sue you, not giggle and fetch you another martini.
The point about more young people living at home is also a bit rich, as had the 'Babyboomers' not fucked up the US banks and stock market, then more Millenials could afford to move out and not live with their darling parents who have apparently raised them too well, being that we weren't all shoved down coal mines at 14, constantly critisized and told to work all the hours God sends.

Then again, maybe it's not just a biased ill researched piece of utter trash masquerading as news. Perhaps it is reverse psychology to stir us - admittedly more apathetic - young folk into action. Don't know about you, but I sure as hell want to go out and beat some 'Boomers right now.

Americana, Bees, Chris Cornell

While noodling around the internet (trying to work out whether I had accidentally plagurized the bee baby from the header of my page in a t shirt design)I rediscovered Blind Melon. My Dad had the album and I clearly remember him likening me to the similarly aged Bee Girl. This was unintentionally hurtful, as although he thought she was hilarious and enchantingly cute, she was also quite obviously as similarly rotund and ungainly to his own little progeny.

Anyway, the video is below, but further than a little weight related nostalgic moment, it made me pine for early 90's americana in general. It was around that time that I first discovered music, and MTV, thanks to visiting my Dad's work and raiding his CD's (new format sent him a little bonkers, hence all the popular hits of the day) and I remember thinking that music videos were possibly the coolest things ever.



Things were simpler back then, people smiled, there were no stylists (it would seem), the colours were brighter and it was fine to dance around like complete idiots, as aptly demonstrated by REM:



Barring the fact that such videos mean there are photos of me in existence where I am wearing John Lennon sunglasses and a backwards flatcap, I think it's a shame that things inevitably progressed as they have. These days (and I am aware that I sound about fifty right now) music videos are unbiquitous and for the most part, identikit. Most involve dead eyed models in thongs gyrating around in some conveluted choreography or acting like pieces of meat over a disco beat. No wonder little girls are growing up fast and getting complexes about their appearance! Even the Bee Girl, my own little eight year old doppleganger, finds happiness at the end of 4 minutes and 50 seconds, in a wonderful garden where people accept her for who she is. How many happy fat girls do you see in music videos these days?

Anyway, I couldn't finish this post without embedding the video that kind of sums up my whole MTV worship era. Moody dudes on a hillside, the most advanced camera trickery of the day, wind machines and warped-yet-slightly cliche imagery to stimulate impressionable young minds. Utterly creepy and fantastic.



Even though this vid (along with the dancing chicken in the Peter Gabriel video) totally scared the shit out of me out at the time, I'd let my daughter watch them over Pussycat Dolls any day of the week.

Holy Screensplits Batman!

Ooh I've been looking for an excuse to post something about the new Batman film for a while now... they have been doing some amazing viral work for it, which is hugely elaborate and most pointless as the film is clearly going to be huger than huge and would have been before poor Heath popped it anyway...

But I digress, the official trailer for the Dark Knight came out late last week, but after only about 24 hours the obsessive viral addicts already noticed that it seemed slightly familiar... them clever marketing people have done it again!

The film above splits the screen between the new trailer and the original 1989 Batman trailer. Observe. Genius.

Do you get the feeling some contries are no longer treating Eurovision with the reverence it deserves?

Observe Spain and Ireland's entires:





It's all a little...



don't you think?

On the Bed, On the Floor,On the Towel by the Door...

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel's hilarious love songs are quite old now (basic moral of this blog appears to be I should post stuff when I see it opposed to when I can be bothered, approximately three months after they are cool and new) but I still nearly 'lol' every time I see Sarah's.. and I guess it makes sense to post Jimmy's too while I am here, even though he covers his lack of wit with a boatload of celebrities..

A New Found Respect for Jerry O' Connell

Well, okay not really 'respect', but his parody of Tom Cruise's gaga Scientology ramblings makes me laugh, so I guess I would think of him more favorably if he ever happened to flit across my braincells again

"Sometimes people make a war, don't know what it's for...

...say you'll stop the war"



Aah Hungarian Rap. My favorite subgenre of regional popular music next to Tazmanian Drum n Bass and Szechuan Funk.

This marvellous little ditty is by a delightful rapper called Speak, which is a rather misleading name, given that most of his lyrics consist of grunts, 'huh's and 'yee comeon's.

Anyway, this post is for my brother (in a filial, not rap way) who can barely control his bodily functions whenever this song comes on

"That is like, massively disrespecting of your trousers"

The Armstrong and Miller show has moved to BBC1 primetime, which, as any fan of comedy knows, means completely selling out and becoming rubbish and crap an' 'at. I haven't seen many episodes, but have actually been pleasantly suprised by how not rubbish it is, which has quite a lot to do with these characters:

Well I guess it's not MY taxes paying for this

Actually I think this film has made me like the US Navy at lest 100000000 times more than before. But then they aren't wasting my money or killing my family, so I guess that actually makes me a bit biased.

Nah, I think, as demonstrated by the Philippino prisioners, there is always room for a nice bit of miming and mugging in the workplace. I'm just bitter because no one at work has twigged that by coming in every day dressed up an airhostess I'm not the cleaner and that I actually want to start an impromtu rendition of Flying the Flag by Scootch. Or Toxic by Britney. Hell! Even Woah We are Going to Ibiza by the Vegaboys. I'm not fussy. But I won't empty your overflowing bin.

Take me to the Phillipines so I can do wrong!

I'm sure most of you will have seen that north Korea thing where thousands of little kids do synchronised gymastics and praise communism and whatnot, but never in your life (unless you read dlisted today) will you have seen - or even dreamed of - hundreds of inmates at a Philipino prision doing the Michael Jackson Thriller dance. I wonder how they decided who got to be Michael and who got to be the girl....maybe it's like the top dog and his top bottom, hell, I wonder why on earth they decided to do it at all, and how they convinced so many hardened crims to join in!

Frankly, unless I now see the inmates of Guantanamo Bay doing Hit Me Baby One More Time, this video will officially be Most Random Shit of the Year 2007

EDIT: Having just seen to the end I am infact now convinced that the whole thing was set up as an elaborate ploy to assasinate the ladyboy in the gayest way possible bar actual homosexual activities. And it is still fabulous! If only those Russian spies had tried to assisinate that guy in the london hotel via the medium of TATU 'All the Things She Said' then we would have none of this trouble.

David Miliband - 'Ha great. Yeah you keep on playing silly buggers like something out of a James Bond film. In fact, why not try it to a theme tune next time? May I suggest Live and Let Die? I love a bit of Wings Me'

Putin - 'HEATHEN! We dispise Wings here in the mother country. They will die to manly music like the great Journey or Bruce Springsteen. You female dog English with your love of all music gay and derivative, we lull you into false security with TATU assasination'

Miliband - 'Frankly this will not do. We do not condone the murder of British citizens on British soil for any reason. I am not gay and although Wings did not quite live up to the Beatles in any way shape or form, Live and Let Die was a good song.

Putin - Guns and Roses version?

Miliband - Oh okay, but any Welcome to the Jungle and we extradite your arses.

The Muppets F**k the Police

Ha, got to love my hypocrisy that it feels kind of wrong writing the title of this post without the **, but as my Jason Lee post shows, I am generally far from adverse to using bad language.

But anyway, here is a delightful little video found by my friend Acrobat..it also brings the number of posts I have written about NWA up to at least three, which is quite remarkable given that I own no albums by the said rap combo, and indeed they have featured very little in my life bar when I went to sixth form and one of the feeder schools was called Compton.

Pity 4 Mutya

101st Blog Entry - I Wish I Had Found This Video One Post Earlier

Dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip

Kinda funny, kinda too-scene, and kinda like the brains of those angry ranty men you always end up friends with even though they detest your ideals and everything you stand for, played out over an electro beat.
You know, one minute you're merely debating whose round it is and whether to get crisps, and the next it's all 'YOU MAKE ME SICK THAT'S JUST WHAT I'D EXPECT YOU TO DO GOD YOU JUST DON'T GET IT DO YOU' after you suggest Beef flavour and suddenly you have do defend all your moral values when actually you wouldn't even mind Salt and Vinegar but no one else was making a decision.

But I digress!

Actually I don't, I don't have much more to say on the matter. What else?

Tonight I have been plagued by a mouse running around the flat and ignoring all the humane traps, bad television and a poster falling on my head. What is more peeving is that none of my varied shrieks of horror or suprise have gone at all warranted by the flatmate who is 'reading' in her room.

Also I have a boring boring temp job which saps my creativity, my joie de vivre but thankfully has the opposite effect on the old bank balance...or will do after another five days of inputting data and listening non stop to capital FM (how else do you think I heard Rihanna?!)
My thoughts on Capital Radio generally are as follows:

*James Morrison, Paulo Nutini and James Blunt should not exist, although I would grant them life if they took a vow of silence and joined a far away monistary.

*All people in London who call into Capital sound like complete retards. Without exception.

*It appears the good folk of London have no need for news updates of more than a sentence, but desire long reports on the Blackwall Tunnel every half an hour.

*The DJs all sound the same - like sleazy 40-something men who wear leather jackets and have greasy curtain hair which they have not changed in twenty years. (Although at least they aren't all jolly northerners who feel the need to say 'eeh oop' or whatever every other word to prove that although they live in Primrose Hill and shop in Fresh and Wild they are very much still in touch with the working man...that's Radio 1 btw)

*It's actually not that bad...