Thursday, 15 March 2007

Bits of Adverts that Piss Me Off.

Most recently, the one for contact lenses with two women sitting in an orchestra, that goes a little like this:
Woman One "Ooh my contact lenses really hurt."

Woman Two "Mine don't, and I've had them in all day!"

Woman One "Fuck off you tedious oboe playing cunt!"

(well, I did say a little like this..)

There is a certain advert for debt consolidation services where they have some outraged middle aged woman talking about her friend who "had more money going out than coming in every month. The bills stacked up but she thought she could cope blah blah blah".
I'm not sure if I'm missing the point and this woman is talking in the third person because she is so ashamed to be poor, but as I see it this is an odeous busy-body, most often found with eye pressed against a hole in the fence, spying on what brand of underwear her neighbours hang up to dry, speaking on behalf of her 'friend'. Urg, I can see her fat busybody arse wobbling as she bends procariously down to peer through the the waist high hole whilst her husband tuts from the doorway.

Critisizing Loan companies is a bit like shooting cheap-suited fish in a barrell, so I will resist the urge to sprout pages of obvious jokes about Cunt with a videocamera who hopes "they don't cancel the football" and Carol Cunting Voderman and her pastel coloured money balloons and the Cunts who both listen to the phone, nod in unison and then lovingly embrace as they decide to re-mortgage their home and put their child's future at risk. Oh, and the cunting birds that have somehow found themselves in debt even though they are fucking AVARIANS and have no concept of money. If
this is the case, what chance do us poor humans have?

Finally, who are all these men in cheap suits proffering money? It doesn't feel like help, it feels like being a prostitute trying to retain her dignity as she untangles her flimsy underwear from the springs in the broken old mattress she is sprawlled on.

AND they will then come back in six months and demand their money back with interest, which they will then fan out like the first cheap suited man above, smack you in the face with it and then leave after gobbing on your hair.


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