The Ideal Pube Show

I wonder which bright spark came up with the idea of using innuendo to sell the DAILY MAIL Ideal Home Show. I am now stuck with the horrendous image of Fearne Cotton trimming her giant bush, whilst balanced procariously on a stepladder.
Why not go the whole hog and follow it up with 'Got the painters in?' or 'Problem with your downstairs plumbing?' Then all of small minded middle England can imagine Fearne laughing hysterically as she mops up period blood with a paint roller whilst pissing her pants.


Then again, Carole Smilie doesn't appear to warrant a ladybits innuendo. Presumerbly the advertisers were stuck for a way to liken Carole's shrunken pensioner boobs to D.I.Y.

It does however look a little bit like she has just hung herself from the lightfitting and is maniacly swinging around in an attempt to sever her spinal column and quicken death. Which is nice. I blame the MFI bed - those bar bits are really annoying because when you try to read in bed your head gets wedged in the space between two bars and is really uncomfortable. Would drive me to the edge...

Sorry, anything featuring the words 'The Daily Mail' makes my blood boil to such a degree I want to personally go on a tour of middle england where I break into people's houses and lie in wait until two Mail readers are seated side-by-side. I would then leap gloriously from behind the sofa and donk their heads together repeatedly until they agree that not all crime is committed by asylum seekers and darkies, Europe is not a cesspit populated by swarthy little men who smell of garlic and whose sole ambition in life is to drag Our Great Nation to ruin and Richard Littlejohn is a cunt.


Sadly, as it is one of the 'newspapers' with the biggest circulation this might take some time, but perhaps if I make it my life's mission I could be done in time to see the little bronze statue of me that would be erected, with the words 'crusader for the truth' captioning it...or something along those lines, I'll be too old and senile to really understand it by then anyway.


p.s Why is Fearne, who is so desperate to be 'down with the yoof of today' advertising the Daily Mail? After all her stirling work *cough* utter ruining of *cough* TOTP and Live8?