Friday, February 02, 2007
People who look like witches should not dye their hair black (the gospel according to me)
Current mood: a bit hungry
Aqua Teen Hunger Force is really good and funny and should be watched by all.
This can be done at jello tv ,although biche would never want to condone such thievery (or spelling of thievery) from the industry she peripherally works in; it is a very funny series starring a milkshake cup, a box of fries and a ball of meat.
Biche realises she sounds like a right gimp to a certain Danwise Gamgee who told her about the series about six months ago only for her to go 'uuhhh yeah cool' and totally erase it from her tiny mind, but gospel is gospel non? I mean, when you have priests going 'God is good! Do not steal!' you don't see Jesus going 'yeah well I said that aaaages ago'.p.s Danwise is not Jesus. He could maybe pass as an apostle or something but only when he hasn't shaved.
Biche is however a priest. A priest of cool.
p.p.s Biche is not a priest of cool. Maybe something a little bit less authorititive and important. Maybe a ticket inspector of cool, or more likely the receptionist who takes calls and puts them through to cool's PA.
Gossip websites rot your brain
perezhilton.com, dlisted.com, defamer.com, idolator.com, usweekly.com are the crack of the internet world. This is evident by the way Biche likens them to crack, the laziest metaphor you can think of for something addictive and rubbish. So no, they are not like crack, your teeth will not fall out, you will not (perhaps sadly) lose lots of weight and there are no need for a burnt out coke can, virtual or otherwise.
They are however utter rubbish evidenced by the fact Biche now knows more about Lindsay Lohan than she does her brother, her flatmate or indeed herself, yet has only seen one of her films, on a plane, during severe turbulance. Biche also hold LiLo and others personally responsible for her inability to remember vast swathes of her philosophy degree and how to wire a plug.
In a suprising turn of events it is revealed the reason Linday can't ever remember her lines or turn up to set on time is because her brain is too full of useless information about Biche. Here she is desperately trying to forget about the dilemma Biche had yesterday at Boots where one mascara was £2 off but the other one had 200 advantage points as a bonus.
Conclusion: Do not ask Biche or LiLo to help you sort out electrical appliances and Biche now has £10.47 on her advantage card.
People who look like witches should not dye their hair black.
Now Biche is not shopping for sympathy here, her hair, although a bit of a state, is not black and her general appearance is not overly witchy-poo except in certain lights and in bad photos. It did however start a chain of though which ended with the above conclusion, other strands of reasoning being that if people who looked like witches dyed their hair blonde they might look a bit like Meryl Streep who is pretty damn fly for an old lady and veh good at acting.
This is a flawed argument with dodgy premises and a desperate attempt by the Biche to claw back some philosophy from Lindsay Lohan's tight little fists.
Speaking of witches, Loose Women is on. Urg, it's like the female equivalent of Top Gear in that smug middle ages twats make their sex look bad by well, being smug middle aged twats who think they're so fucking funny..when they're not like, ...fucking funny...fucking..
Well anyway, I almost wish I could lock them all in a big room together for years until some of them mate and then the child would grow up tormented by their polar opposite parents and trapped because he is repelled by his chauvinist father's attitude to women so tries to be gay but then his mum wants to go clubbing with him and talks loudly about bum sex with all her friends so instead he gets a great big knife...Dear god, Biche does scare herself sometimes.
Anyway, gospel number four - Loose Women and Top Gear are shit and may endanger the future of the planet.
And lo, it was decreed and Biche went back to tidying her desk.xx
Friday, January 12, 2007
Current mood: tired and headachey
Last night Ms Welsh and I tested out the theory (her theory) that if you coat your teeth in Vaseline, then they won't be stained by wine. The results were neglegable, but it sure as hell made the wine taste bad, so I am not convinced. This could however have something to do with the fact that we used Aloe Vera Vaseline.
How the Vaseline looked after the consuption of a bottle of Shiraz
Been hunting for a new job, seeing as current job consists of not much more than answering the phone about 5 times a day and sorting the post. This is not all bad as I do have all day to hunt for the elusive bugger that is a job in television which is paid, not totally admin and for a company that makes something other than corporate videos.
Still trying to find my way to the emerald city that is the BBC, but there is only so many times one can apply for work experience, bleeding your poor little heart and soul out over two pages of 'put your answer in the box below' fully aware that you are never going to even get a reply. It feels a bit like in Lost where those two men filed reports, sent them in a chute and they shot out in a field somewhere.
Somewhere impossibly good looking people have stumbled across a huge pile of applications and are going "wow this *Biche* says she has 'a great love for entertainment television' If only I wasn't stuck on a tropical island with nothing to do but get caught up in increasingly ludicrous plots and look incredibly beautiful, I would definitely hire her'
Kate and Sayid consider my application for BBC entertainment, based on the fact 'I avidly watched Strictly Dance Fever and thought it was an excellent programme which succeeded in targeting a wide range of audiences'
Hmmm what else? Oh yes, that advert for Cheesestrings where the teacher goes 'grrr what is that?' to the smug child who is strolling along carrying said processed crapstick aloft. Cue long montage of how Cheesestrings are actually cheese and come from cows and everything, before smug child goes 'oh. It's cheese.' and strolls off, like this is the answer for everything. Surely the teacher meant 'why the hell are you parading around like a smug little bastard with a sweaty bit of orange processed rubbish clenched in your tight little fist?' Why not just eat the fucker, or is it because it is totally inedible, but looks a little like a glowstick and the child is down with the whole nu-rave thing? Nu-rave does appear to be like a lightbulb to the smug trendy moths of london town. Hmmmm
another link between nu-rave and cheesestrings. Goddamn, I'm like the Jessica Fletcher of popular culture
Oh so bored. Still, better get back to productionbase and apply for jobs I am hopelessly underqualified for
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
zen and the art of getting a seat on the tube
Right, so the trick is to stand at the end of the platform, trying to forget your aunt's tales of train crashes -"ooh no, the end carraiges get totally smashed and the people in the middle are ok"- by reasoning that terrorists are more likely these days, and if they are terrorists worth their salt, they will blow up the middle of a train. What is even better is if you know exactly where the doors will be when the train stops (Opposite the man holding a peanut if you're on Piccadilly northbound at Earls Court par example) because then you don't have to push past those who think 'allow passengers off the train first' applies to those stupid tourists and their massive backpacks who seem to be waiting for an extra announcement to go 'yes Pablo Arronzo, you may now also get off the train' and realise 0.2 seconds before the door closes that they should have got off two stops ago anyway.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
'no pop no style' debate:
*I got a bit bored so wrote a little storyette in a different stylee to usual blogs. I think it makes me sound like a right moody bugger, heneforth any comments on the subject gladly accepted. Except those about my spelling Mrs Gerould!*
The heat wave had been a great excitement to the student population as it allowed them to act out their music festival fantasies on the otherwise grey streets of
Even the trendiest kids partake of the bum-grass action, although their uber-skinny black jeans and tight t shirt combo suddenly seems like less good dress sense and more like lack of common sense. The great apathetic sit-in continued for several days, until the eager participants found that their red skin was as hard to cool down as their red houses were. Sitting on a slight slope also buggered up spines. This turned owners of previously slinky gypsy walks into hobbling old dears who smelled like nights under abandoned railway bridges with clothes salvaged from a rubbish bin. A half open can of Orangiboom in ketchup stained hands only added to the look. The after effects of a medieval diet of beer and barbequed meat were also something of a downer on the summer ideal, although it did lend an air of festival authenticity to bathrooms across
Still, the onset of exams somewhat staunched the alfresco revolution, as life in the library negated the risk of being twatted in the head by a Frisbee whilst trying to recount the finer points of Weizs Anti-Essentialism theory.
Sitting in the library was a bit like being inside a lego house made by a giant, although with everything either made out of cement or wood (except the books, but then then paper/wood/whatever). A lego house overrun by thousands of tiny ants who have carved their favorite football team into most of the wooden surfaces and scurry around whispering, ironically in high little voices that travel far further than normal talking. About where they are going for lunch. And what a dick Steve is. And did you know the exam had three parts? I didn't and Tony's fucked because he only went to two lectures.
She realised she had been looking at her book for half an hour and not actually read more than the first sentence. Tony was going to chat to Lucie because she has notes and is safe and that. She was going home to enjoy Deal or No Deal with a milkless tea.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Thursday, April 20, 2006