Virtual Biche!

Look! It's me (albeit a possibly quite svelte me with oddly red hair) It's from the Hennes website...

That's all really, watching the repeat of the Apprentice which is stressing me out even though I already saw it last week. It's slightly weird watching it now because all the besuited chumps are only a few years older than me and my dear friends, none of whom as far as I know talk about 'business levels' 'proactivity' or wear cheap suits.

A year ago it all seemed so alien, but already the talks of salaries, work and whatnot are however quite familiar, so perhaps this is the future! Perhaps in three years time we will all be synergising and profit margining! In nasty suits! Whilst shouting into Blackberries!

Still, virtual Biche will always be the same, oh yes, virtual Biche in her skinny jeans and slightly unflattering top that is usually only worn to the gym...she will never change!

Why North London is Nice - Clarsey Art

I joke, this is the WORST PAINTING EVAH, yet for some reason has pride of place by the bar in the Princess Alex. (cameraphone slightly fails to capture complete awfulness, but you can get the idea)

I can only assume that a local heavy thinks of himself as a bit of an artiste

Why North London is Nice - Londis of the Gods

Now kudos to this Londis (Ferme Park Road for those who know or care) I went in the other day and counted FIVE different types of taramasalata and FOUR different types of Houmous. Not to mention the vast sections of veggie food, hundreds of different jams and breads with every concievable seed/grain/healthy crap in them.

Basically despite being outside Crouch End technically it is the most horrendeously typical Crouch End shop ever, but then so what? I like having to spend half an hour debating over types of felafel and humming over cheese with my fellow 'Enders!

What is quite funny is that although it is so very very Crouch, it has this delightful shopfront. Scotch Egg? Scotch Egg?! That is the lunch of a National Express driver, ('eh, if i put it on a little plate with crisps see, it's a proper meal.') not a polenta eating Crouch Ender who has existential crises over olives! I do quite like how it looks like a little face, and can only assume that whoever made the decision thought that too..tis harder to make a smiley face out of houmous after all.

Photo of Day - Jess has a Fake Versace Face

(Left: Jess, not amused. Right: fake bag from breezeblock market in Camden, equally unimpressed)

Death in Santaland

Just watched part of the most randomly bizarre is-this-a-massive-hoax documentary on More4. 'Death in Santaland' (part of the Travels with My Camera series) is about a town in Alaska called North Pole where thanks to good old American cashing-in, it appears to be Christmas for most of the year. The blurb from the website as follows:

"In April 2006 six 13-year-olds were arrested in North Pole for planning a mass murder. They were part of a gang of 15 'outsiders' who had drawn up a hitlist and were going to take guns and knives into class to settle some scores.

They had planned to disable the school's power and telephone systems before carrying out the shootings and then escaping to Anchorage on the train. But they were foiled when the boy who was supposed to bring the weapons failed to show up."

Okay, so far so serious documentary about current social issue.

BUT .

Apparently one of the reasons the kids were so disgruntled is that every year thousands of kid's santa letters (you know, bad writing, addressed to SANTA, NORF POLE') arrive in the town and they get the kids at North Pole Middle School to act as elves (literally, dress up and everything) for a month and reply to as many of the letters as possible, presumerbly in place of reading books or learning about history, maths or any other of those crazy things other schools do.

Now this obviously means lots of kids in North Pole realise not only does Santa not exist, but they have to purpurgate this falsehood to lots of other kids all over the world. To a rational adult like the hideously twee teacher they interviewed this obviously means giving hope and joy to lots of poor kids. To a 13 year old this is SPREADING LIES AND THERE IS NO MAGIC IN LIFE AND EVERYTHING IS FALSE AND THERE IS NO GOD.

Oh come on, we have all been there.

What also suprised me is that they even bother to send letters back. Man, if I had known that actually sending a letter rather than stuffing it up a chimney would have warranted a response, my childhood, nay life would have been very different. I would probably still believe in Santa, fairies, God and the little baby Jesus. I would probably roam Oxford Street banging a drum and blessing the angry shoppers who trod on my unshod feet.

So I think it is fair to say Santa responding to letters is bad for all involved - it turns the residents of North Pole into gothy school killers and turns the rest of us into BELIEVERS.