For some reason it pleases me immensely that Bathing Ape - sorry Bape - 's flagship store in Soho, perveyor of limited edition £500 trainers and baseball caps that cost £100, is next to a Greggs, perveyor of sausage rolls and steak bakes for less than a pound. I fondly imagine that I will troll down there one day to see a standoff between the queue of faux Japanese trendies outside Bape and the queue of grey wheezing proles outside Greggs, but that's just the stuff of Jason Nevin's nightmares.
My head, it hurts! This programme is really well acted to a T but literally makes no sense! Dramatic confrontation after dramatic confrontation, always with a dash of pointless sex or violence and always with a twist! It's like watching thirty Drama A level assessments in an hour, which at least explains why most of my drama teachers have been barking.
Still main guy, whose name I forget as it's something boring like David Blah, is oddly attractive. So I will persevere.
..no, no I'm not even in the slightest, but I had an epiphany that I first had at Glastonbury again on the bus this morning - the Arctic Monkeys are really fucking great. Like, really, really great. Like, great enough that it makes me really want to live up north again, away from the snideypoos of London Town who don't say what they think and don't know what they feel. Not, admittedly enough to bring up a child in the North, but that's Tom from Hollyoaks fault. Mind you, Ben from Eastenders is pretty much killing my love of southern kids too, so perhaps I will have to run off and have a kid with someone whose accent doesn't feature in a soap opera. Not that this is exactly an immediate concern I hasten to add, before my male friend start covering their crotches in the pub and I find a boiled bunny on my desk tomorow.
But anyway, I digress. Arctic Monkeys - ace. Totally ace. And anyone who laughs at me for being really middle of the road, or boring or obvious can sod off. I can't hear you anyway because I'm singing along to my ipod in a reet terrible norvern accent.
Actually I think this film has made me like the US Navy at lest 100000000 times more than before. But then they aren't wasting my money or killing my family, so I guess that actually makes me a bit biased.
Nah, I think, as demonstrated by the Philippino prisioners, there is always room for a nice bit of miming and mugging in the workplace. I'm just bitter because no one at work has twigged that by coming in every day dressed up an airhostess I'm not the cleaner and that I actually want to start an impromtu rendition of Flying the Flag by Scootch. Or Toxic by Britney. Hell! Even Woah We are Going to Ibiza by the Vegaboys. I'm not fussy. But I won't empty your overflowing bin.
I don't know who this classy lady is, but much like Sienna Miller a few posts back, she appears to have jumped into a time machine and asked the 6 year old Biche for makeup advice. Only this little dollface raided my dressing up box too!
TRUFAX! I used to have the most amazing black velvet and gold lame leopard print strapless cocktail dress when I was younger. I mean, obviously it didn't stay up and it reached the floor rather than a be-stockinged knee and I wore it over jeans and a t shirt, but I was still clearly The Shit. My friends had to make do with cast off gypsy skirts and parachute pants.
*The street sweeper of Crouch End Broadway. He must be about fifty and appears to be built soully of sinew, wire and reflective yellow plastic, but my god! He is like a grizzly old duracell bunny! Well, to be honest he is probably on speed or at least some other low level amphetamine, but my god he gets the job done, and woe betide any dog/pregnant woman/annoying little tyke not in pushchair (who collectively make up at least 75% of Crouch End at any given time) who wanders into the path of his giant blur of a broom. I did used to think he was pretending he was in Stomp! in his head and was actually beating out complex drum rhythms as he anihilates the fag butts and bus tickets to the curb, but having seen into his eyes (through the protection of the bus shelter) I fink is jus da drugs.
Which begs the question why they don't subsidise them as part of the job. If they did I'm sure more people would sign up. Well, it would probably lure mon frere into gainful employment at any rate.
*The old man who dropped his melon on the bus yeterday. No shame, he just went and chased after it like a toddler chasing a duck before securing it somewhere near the drivers feet and getting a round of applause from the bus.
Ha you can tell I was thinking of this on my journey to the pub last night, can't you?
I'm sure most of you will have seen that north Korea thing where thousands of little kids do synchronised gymastics and praise communism and whatnot, but never in your life (unless you read dlisted today) will you have seen - or even dreamed of - hundreds of inmates at a Philipino prision doing the Michael Jackson Thriller dance. I wonder how they decided who got to be Michael and who got to be the girl....maybe it's like the top dog and his top bottom, hell, I wonder why on earth they decided to do it at all, and how they convinced so many hardened crims to join in!
Frankly, unless I now see the inmates of Guantanamo Bay doing Hit Me Baby One More Time, this video will officially be Most Random Shit of the Year 2007
EDIT: Having just seen to the end I am infact now convinced that the whole thing was set up as an elaborate ploy to assasinate the ladyboy in the gayest way possible bar actual homosexual activities. And it is still fabulous! If only those Russian spies had tried to assisinate that guy in the london hotel via the medium of TATU 'All the Things She Said' then we would have none of this trouble.
David Miliband - 'Ha great. Yeah you keep on playing silly buggers like something out of a James Bond film. In fact, why not try it to a theme tune next time? May I suggest Live and Let Die? I love a bit of Wings Me'
Putin - 'HEATHEN! We dispise Wings here in the mother country. They will die to manly music like the great Journey or Bruce Springsteen. You female dog English with your love of all music gay and derivative, we lull you into false security with TATU assasination'
Miliband - 'Frankly this will not do. We do not condone the murder of British citizens on British soil for any reason. I am not gay and although Wings did not quite live up to the Beatles in any way shape or form, Live and Let Die was a good song.
Putin - Guns and Roses version?
Miliband - Oh okay, but any Welcome to the Jungle and we extradite your arses.
