All that is wrong in the world today...

Intern plan to ease graduate woes

Students who are unable to secure jobs after leaving university may be offered paid internships for three months.

Well, not that bit, that bit is a good idea... the justification however:

Mr Denham told the paper: "At the end, they will be more employable, and some of them will get jobs. Employers won't want to let good people go.

"These are the children of the baby-boomers. They will be a very big group. What do we do with them? We can't just leave people to fend for themselves."

Err what? You would think we were a bunch of little fluffy baby chicks, not grown up people who are perfectly capable of work and independent thinking and stuff and ting like that.

The problem is that a load of us are lazy fucks who expect things to be handed to us on a plate and have never worked before university because our parents gave us free money, so have a non existence Curriculum Vitae, and yet believe we should walk straight into jobs editing Vogue or some other such shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit and freak out at the prospect of earning peanuts or working hard doing menial boring tasks on the road to getting there.

Get back to making the tea, bitches. If you're good, you'll get there one day.

Looks like a case for Detective Barnaby!

In the midst of a humanitarian crisis in the Gaza and an ecenomic recession in the UK, the Guardian comes over all Midsomer Murders.

Oh, and this is quite funny too but I nicked it off YepYep.

The Rock-afire Explosion - My New Favourite Band

..well, that and the creepiest thing I have seen all year. This might seem a rather glib thing to say on January 2nd, but I happen to be watching a tv show which compiles all the most popular Youtube clips of 2008. So actually I've already seen a pelican eat a pigeon and a dog having a wank. So there.

Aaanyway, from what I can gleam from Youtube and Wikipedia, the Rock-afire Explosion were an animatronic robot band (oh but of course!) that they had installed in lots of Shobiz Pizza Places across the US of A. I feel this demostrates both how seriously Americans take their pizza consumption experience, and how much damn space there is, that they could have a full sized robot band in every joint. And both these things make me jealous.



But yeah, now someone has funked up childhood nightmares, got robots to sing rude songs and put it on Youtube and of course the result is fabulous! There is quite a good Shakira one too you should check out as it includes cheeky inter-puppet banter.

Some places in America still have grimy fluff and latex covered robots to jerk around while you eat and haunt your dreams while you sleep, although with a new rubbish and more basic lineup. This is apparently because of process known as 'concept unification' which is a typically bullshit marketing phrase if ever I heard one, but thankfully one that has a hideous mid 90's video to go with it, which basically seeks to justify why a giant jerky Italian Chef isn't a weird choice of robot to put the kids at ease as they descend into obesity.



You might notice how I now am just linking things, rather than do my usual 'see it HERE'. Think of it as a supremely minor resolution for 2009. Aim small kids, avoid disappointment

The Henrietta Barnett School for Girls, Wizards.

Yes, I was one. (not that I really shout it from the rooftops unless trying to win an argument with someone usually of a male, middle age and patronising persuasion). Unsurprisingly some of my friends are ones too. Yesterday, my friend Ms G commented that whilst bored at work, she had googled our old alma mater and was confused because on Wikipedia under 'famous alummni' it included someone we vaguely knew as 'groupie extrordinare'.

Today, while bored at home - well, watching Hollyoaks omnibus but whatevs - I did the same, and this is what I found... (click to make bigger):
Yes, that's right, Ms G, graduate of 'one of the top academic schools in the country' noticed Robin Driscoll, but failed to see that "The school uses a system much like that in operation at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where only the smartest can see the school buildings. This is why some candidates cannot find the school when arriving for entrance examinations."

I do like the basically accurate zing 'The school was judged by The Times newspaper to rank 1st and 2nd best achieving state school according to GCSE^[3] and A Level^[4] results, respectively (thanks to a combination of the girls' natural intelligence and intensive tuition to make up for lack of teaching)' but I feel I must state that this was Nothing To Do With Me as I would have done it a lot better.

Bizarre Bus Adverts We Have Seen

But what does it mean? Will you having a smear somehow save the life of this be-goatied Adonis? Perhaps the message is that transgender women should be aware! You too can get cervical cancer even if you have cut off your boobs and developed a taste for green woolly jumpers! Maybe they think young liberated women will only look at an advert if it has a fit man slapped all over it...

Or are they just implying that fit men from Southern Europe are Chalmydia Marys who will ply you with ouzo and let you run your fingers through their gleaming locks before having their wicked way, leaving you alone the next day with a hangover, V05 under your nails and a minor-yet-bad-if-left-untreated STI ?

It is most perplexing, but I take comfort in the thought that a 'Joey from Friends' storyline has become a reality.

Scoop! Exclusive! Etc!

The BBC news website this morning:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7786462.stm

SOB post from September:

http://speechesofbiches.blogspot.com/2008/09/as-de-menesez-inquiry-rumbles-on.html

Wow, I almost feel like a proper journalist and everything.

Person of the Day - My Friend Bee

The News Feed on Facebook is a nice-if-inane way to drip away your time - oh look! Dave Roberts is tired! There is a whole album of group photos of Lorraine Smith and some other people I don't know looking pissed and pulling the same two faces! Blah and Blah are attending PUT A CANDLE IN UR WIDOW 4 BABY P ad nausum.

Well anyway, occasionally you get a little semi private gem from someone's life that makes you snort in laughter and then have to pretend you sneezed instead because you're meant to be fannying around with that spreadsheet:


That this girl is a potential paramore, only makes it all the better!