Kiwi Tears My Heart Apart

I'm sure most people will have already seen this animation of the kiwi bird, which was recently voted 'cutest thing on youtube'.
I personally would vote it 'most heartwrenchingly tragic thing on youtube', but then it appears people's opinions differ wildy, as I will outline below.

The Biche: "Oh GOD. I think I just died a little inside. What cute pathos is this? Oh woe, life is so short and cruel."

The Flatmate: after being dragged away from her breakfast to watch the thing by a wobbily lipped Biche
"So is a Kiwi a real bird then? Right. You didn't say it was an animation. Ah. Cup of tea?"

The Brother: in faux camp accent
"Oh, it is SO cute. Look at his little face."

The Benjamin: online, but clearly shellshocked
"That's quite upsetting. Pretty damn cute, if very upsetting."
then, when he is told he is being quoted:
"how about this...."
nothing appears
"no, use the last thing"
"I'm trying to be funny but it's just not happening."


So there. Now I must go mend my broked heart with chocolate.

People of the Day - Released British Fitties

..except for the woman who looks like Jessica Stevenson. And the guy next to her who looks like Uncle Fester.

Update: It appears it wasn't quite as pleasant as the Iranians made out. Oh well, all is well now and it is a good excuse to post a photo of Lutenant Carman, whose pleasant nature and good looks had me phwoooaring at the tv this evening, in a terribly uncooth and Christy-like manner. I have to admit, I did fall short of putting on a mockney accent and stamping the floor like Bugs Bunny however.

The Drama of Everyday Life

Kudos to Hemen for this... Weird Al Yankovitch's parody of 'Trapped in the Closet' by R Kelly.

Fabulous!

Subject Line of Email I Just Recieved...

'Amazon.co.uk recommends Serial Killers: The Methods and Madness of Monsters and more'

Oh whoop-de-do!, one random purchase four years ago and they now have me down as a psycho nut! I must have bought at least ten Shakespeare study guides and studies of Postcolonial discourse off Amazon since then, but noooo! I'm a loony lover!

(in case you were curious, the 'more' was in fact a load of Shakespeare, Kitsune Maison Vol 3, Startling the Flying Fish and Ed Rec Vol 2...I also appear to be erroniously down as a lover of obscure compilation CDs)

Thank god I order the hundred of books on self improvement, faddy diets and ubertrash fiction* on the flatmate's account!

*one book on the G.I diet which I followed for about a week a year ago. What a waste of time. I think it's now levelling a wonky wardrobe far away from my illustrious bookcase.

Incidentally - Apple Cider Vinegar update? Had an old bottle which merely resulted in a rather flatulent night for the flatmate and I, no further effects noticed, apart from my increased ability to swallow ikky tasting fluids, which someone less uptight and reserved than myself might openly consider a bonus.

Old Folks, eh?

The Beeb, for some reason best known to themselves, have got a load of old people together and made them all sing 'My Generation' by the Who.
It's for Charidee, so I will restrain myself from commenting on how I find the whole thing slightly patronising and how Channel 4 already did a documentary about a load of oldies singing pop songs which may or may not be the same group.

Best of all, they have a myspace which is HERE

I heartily recommendhaving a look-see, as you can watch the rather wonderful if far far too long video that accompanies the song, and wonder how the hell young folk will gently take the piss out of you when you get to be old. I predict they will make us take pills and dance to Funky House as they watch in glee from their temperature controlled air filtrated pods, only breaking away from drinking purified water to lob the excavated archeological remains of Becks bottles at us until our hips all break and we are merely shuddering piles of skin on the greasy floor.

Just a thought.

Aah Nostalgia..

Remember this? I remember near peeing myself with laughter watching it back in t' day, sitting as I was in my old house with my near non existent eyebrows and Dido styled hair. Actually, the 'yodel of life' bit is still smile-making material so stick with it, sigh, shake your head and hark back to a simpler time..a time before 0.1% fat margarine, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and David Cameron. A time when rave music was sad losers trying to recapture their youth. When Jamie Oliver merely pissed around on a scooter and didn't smack turkey twizzlers from the sticky little fists of fat children. When 'all your base are belong to us' was still a cool thing to say and jeans were so voluminous you could carry an unfolded magazine around in a leg pocket.
Aah, I remember...

Oh, and it features Pee Wee, which is never ever bad.

Important Issues Affecting the World Today

* Is it wrong to want the British sailors in Iran to be released, not for any huge political reason, but because at least one of them is quite fit? (in a young-ish kind of way)

*Why has no one ever suggested soup as a viable breakfast option? It is filling, nutricious, speeds up the metabolism, is an extra vegtable a day and
would also mean the flatmate would stop giving me weird looks at I enjoy my bowl of carrot and lentils infront of Jeremy Kyle.


*When did Jeremy Kyle turn into such a cunt? I remember when he first came on tv a year or so ago we really liked his refreshing honesty and the way he cut alcoholic abusive husbands down to size. Now he shouts at EVERYONE, which is especially jarring when he picks on 16 year old crackheads with four children who were abused as children and beaten up by their boyfriends. I can think of nicer ways to say 'YOU KNOW WHAT DARLING? YOU MAKE ME SICK. GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND GET A JOB YOU SCROUNGING WHORE'. Actually no, I can't, but I don't get off on making disadvantaged little girls feel like pieces of shit, so what do I know?

Then what happens is that the mong audience appluase like mad and they bring out the girl's three toothed one eyed boyfriend to call her a bad parent and demand a lie detector test. Ug. Ug. Ug.

* What has happened to fashion? Topshop is currently full of floral sacks, Primark has gone back to its pastel sportswear roots and Hennes is mass market new rave shit for teenagers downstairs (i.e incredibly individual clothes, but worn by every mong who derives fun from hanging around bus stops with cans of red stripe on a saturday night, which totally defeats the point) and boring houmous coloured work clothes upstairs.
What is a girl to do? I would make my own clothes except I fear I would end up with new rave sacks; a terrible compromise.