Obama says 'Happy Weekend Bitches'

I feels ya man...

In other news I am occasionally blogging, in heavily edited form (at least until I work out how to spell and use words of a non expletive variety) at http://www.themake.co.uk/. Check it yo, or Obama will cry.

Lucy Pinder Harry Potter Sex Adios Beijing Olympics iphone GTA4 etc

What compells people to visit SOB rather than the billions of other sites on the net? Why did YOU come here? According to Google Analytics, people came here after searching for

Slimatea - my accidental misspelling of 'Slimmertea' had rather depressingly brought nigh on 50 people to this site in the last year. Most stayed for less than a second, but given that the post in question involved a story about me and accidental laxative abuse, I'm not too sad.

Robyn Foster and Max Gogarty - Hmm proves that being topical and not talking about music videos from the early 90's does occasionally pay off.

Robert Worely Dorian Corey - literally no idea who they are. Guess I was drunk that day. Ah yes! Upon reflection that was the story about the Drag Queen from Paris is Burning. Check that out actually, tis quite interesting.

Lorne Spicer tits - a rare breed of bird saught out by 4 people over the last year.

Other searches:

* Horrific Painting * Mark Owen Wandsworth * Vegan Prawns * Cider Vinegar Penis * Speeches about Chicken * Vogueing Competitions * Bridget Jones "wetting herself" * "Only a tiny skirt" * "Pick My Fingers" * "Sushi Fingers" wet * Boss Eyes * Lolyoaks * Love Corruption*

Well that's me summed up then!

Who Needs Kievs?

I wasn't going to bother commenting on this, but then the editors obviously noticed and moved the two features apart on the homepage. Thankfully they kept true to Granuaid form and didn't correct the archive...

Americana, Bees, Chris Cornell

While noodling around the internet (trying to work out whether I had accidentally plagurized the bee baby from the header of my page in a t shirt design)I rediscovered Blind Melon. My Dad had the album and I clearly remember him likening me to the similarly aged Bee Girl. This was unintentionally hurtful, as although he thought she was hilarious and enchantingly cute, she was also quite obviously as similarly rotund and ungainly to his own little progeny.

Anyway, the video is below, but further than a little weight related nostalgic moment, it made me pine for early 90's americana in general. It was around that time that I first discovered music, and MTV, thanks to visiting my Dad's work and raiding his CD's (new format sent him a little bonkers, hence all the popular hits of the day) and I remember thinking that music videos were possibly the coolest things ever.



Things were simpler back then, people smiled, there were no stylists (it would seem), the colours were brighter and it was fine to dance around like complete idiots, as aptly demonstrated by REM:



Barring the fact that such videos mean there are photos of me in existence where I am wearing John Lennon sunglasses and a backwards flatcap, I think it's a shame that things inevitably progressed as they have. These days (and I am aware that I sound about fifty right now) music videos are unbiquitous and for the most part, identikit. Most involve dead eyed models in thongs gyrating around in some conveluted choreography or acting like pieces of meat over a disco beat. No wonder little girls are growing up fast and getting complexes about their appearance! Even the Bee Girl, my own little eight year old doppleganger, finds happiness at the end of 4 minutes and 50 seconds, in a wonderful garden where people accept her for who she is. How many happy fat girls do you see in music videos these days?

Anyway, I couldn't finish this post without embedding the video that kind of sums up my whole MTV worship era. Moody dudes on a hillside, the most advanced camera trickery of the day, wind machines and warped-yet-slightly cliche imagery to stimulate impressionable young minds. Utterly creepy and fantastic.



Even though this vid (along with the dancing chicken in the Peter Gabriel video) totally scared the shit out of me out at the time, I'd let my daughter watch them over Pussycat Dolls any day of the week.

Alfred Hitchcock Was Onto Something...

... following on from Sunday's post it appears my fears were not ill founded.

London Lite 12th May 2008

'a pelican gives a friendly welcome'?? I think you will find he is hanging out with his crew on a park bench, probably menacing passersby with squalks, mock fights and annoying ringtones. This newspaper clipping last night confirms my wost fears that the ASBO Pelicans have indeed invaded and are now causing mild peril up and down the land.

Should I be found dead in a mangled feathery heap tomorrow, I suggest you check their mobiles, as they will have doubtlessly taken me out in a happy wing slapping incident.

Marauding Young Seabirds

See items 2 and 4 from the BBC's top news stories. Either it is a very slow day or the pelicans have finally hit puberty and have started to hang around in gangs, causing trouble. Why by tomorrow they might be throwing chips at Grannies down the arcade..

Edit: They are now the top two items of news! The Burmese Government and the murderer of that 16 year old boy WILL be happy..

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Hmmmmm

Childhood film nostalgia is a funny thing. I'm currently sitting here with my brother, watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, one of our all time favorite films from the days of yore. We both remembered exactly what would happen when: 'Oh yeah then they go off the cliff in a dinghy' 'He drives because he has boxes stuck to his shoes' etc, what we both didn't realise is *ahem* quite how racist it is..

Now I know Indian cuisine is a tad different to chips and peas, but monkey brains, beetles and snakes? What region is that from? And who knew Indians in turbans (Sikhs?) who worship Shiva (Hindus?) also spend their time sacrificing humans by tearing out their still beating hearts?

Then again maybe we're just being unduly sensitive and PC because our uncle is Indian, and although he covers everything in chilli sauce and is want to make horrible phlegmy noises in the bathroom, I have yet to see him drink from a skull or attempt to extract my brother's still beating heart when he forgets to flush the loo.

It is still a great action film though, brain and social consciense set far aside... much better than the Goonies, which everyone else in the world ever watched as a bairn, but is curiously absent from my and my brother's collective memory. Either some awful psychological event happened to us that afternoon, or our parents had the taste to not expose us to a load of shrieking yank brats looking for treasure. Hmmm that said, it's kind of hard to take a moral high ground when we gobbled up images of colonial India which would make Salman Rushdie, Anita Desai etc's heads spin. Although Harrison Ford was very fit back then and there is only one shrieking stereotyped child...

Edit: My brother would like to make it clear that he has never forgotten to flush the toilet ever. Even though hardly anyone who reads this blog knows who he is, and a quick straw poll of those who do suggests that even though he never forgets to flush the loo, he certainly looks like someone who might. Conclusion: Brother of Biche needs to stop lacing his trainers with string and buy a jacket that doesn't have 'anti capitalista' glued to the back with PVA glue.