Tom Cruise is a twat part 1,2339492048757

‘I grew up wanting to kill Hitler,’ Cruise says of his suitability for the part. (in Valkyere)

‘As a kid I would run around with a pretend gun playing games, acting out the war films we watched on TV. It was like, “Who is going to be the Nazi?” And it was never me. I always wanted to be the one who was going to get them.

Oh rightio, that would make me a shoo-in for George Bush Snr in the upcoming dramatisation of the Gulf War, which as a child I would occasionally attempt to re-enact with my brother.*

And oddly enough, as I was the older bossy one, I was always 'the Americans' while he was left being Saddam Hussein and lying dead on the floor in about five minutes. It's a bit of a stretch to say that 'I grew up wanting to kill Saddam Hussein', though. (The Chuckle Brothers on the other hand...)

I wonder what happened to the kids Tom used to play with who were all 'ooh! Ooh! Can I be the Nazis? Pleeeease?'?*Have I mentioned this already in this blog? I have the sinking feeling I might have done... Father in foreign news? Advance knowledge of world affairs but obviously not so much that I knew about the UN coalition? Well anyway, there you go, it's a nice little story anyhoo...

All that is wrong in the world today...

Intern plan to ease graduate woes

Students who are unable to secure jobs after leaving university may be offered paid internships for three months.

Well, not that bit, that bit is a good idea... the justification however:

Mr Denham told the paper: "At the end, they will be more employable, and some of them will get jobs. Employers won't want to let good people go.

"These are the children of the baby-boomers. They will be a very big group. What do we do with them? We can't just leave people to fend for themselves."

Err what? You would think we were a bunch of little fluffy baby chicks, not grown up people who are perfectly capable of work and independent thinking and stuff and ting like that.

The problem is that a load of us are lazy fucks who expect things to be handed to us on a plate and have never worked before university because our parents gave us free money, so have a non existence Curriculum Vitae, and yet believe we should walk straight into jobs editing Vogue or some other such shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit and freak out at the prospect of earning peanuts or working hard doing menial boring tasks on the road to getting there.

Get back to making the tea, bitches. If you're good, you'll get there one day.

Sartorial 100m Hurdles

Oh God how I wish I had thought of this...

Vice style 'Do's and Don't' from the Olympic opening ceremony.


It fair made me snort into my cornflakes.

Incidentally, I'm off work this week, hence the prolific blogging; it also means I am sampling the 'wonder' that is daytime TV for the first time in about a year. How vile is Jeremy Kyle? Really, who the hell is this perma-angry man who shouts over undereducated poor people as they attempt to defend their poxy lives on national television? I can't believe I ironically dug him at Uni, he is the 21st Century version of the Witchfinder General.

next week on SOB, Biche wonders why aeroplane food tastes so bad, comments that Gordon Brown is a big boring and cocks her hammer in the direction of more sealife held in wooden containers

The Narcasstic Praise Hounds of Love are Calling

This is a rather long INFURIATING report about 'Millenials' or work shy young shits like my good self (and you if you were born between 1980 and 1995). I defy you not to throw your iphone through the lcd screen of your laptop after watching about five minutes of this utter claptrap.
Yeah times have changed Grandpa, young people no longer want to wear suits and trilbys or 'punch a timecard'. If you keep slapping your secretary on the arse, chances are she will quit and sue you, not giggle and fetch you another martini.
The point about more young people living at home is also a bit rich, as had the 'Babyboomers' not fucked up the US banks and stock market, then more Millenials could afford to move out and not live with their darling parents who have apparently raised them too well, being that we weren't all shoved down coal mines at 14, constantly critisized and told to work all the hours God sends.

Then again, maybe it's not just a biased ill researched piece of utter trash masquerading as news. Perhaps it is reverse psychology to stir us - admittedly more apathetic - young folk into action. Don't know about you, but I sure as hell want to go out and beat some 'Boomers right now.

Lucy Pinder Harry Potter Sex Adios Beijing Olympics iphone GTA4 etc

What compells people to visit SOB rather than the billions of other sites on the net? Why did YOU come here? According to Google Analytics, people came here after searching for

Slimatea - my accidental misspelling of 'Slimmertea' had rather depressingly brought nigh on 50 people to this site in the last year. Most stayed for less than a second, but given that the post in question involved a story about me and accidental laxative abuse, I'm not too sad.

Robyn Foster and Max Gogarty - Hmm proves that being topical and not talking about music videos from the early 90's does occasionally pay off.

Robert Worely Dorian Corey - literally no idea who they are. Guess I was drunk that day. Ah yes! Upon reflection that was the story about the Drag Queen from Paris is Burning. Check that out actually, tis quite interesting.

Lorne Spicer tits - a rare breed of bird saught out by 4 people over the last year.

Other searches:

* Horrific Painting * Mark Owen Wandsworth * Vegan Prawns * Cider Vinegar Penis * Speeches about Chicken * Vogueing Competitions * Bridget Jones "wetting herself" * "Only a tiny skirt" * "Pick My Fingers" * "Sushi Fingers" wet * Boss Eyes * Lolyoaks * Love Corruption*

Well that's me summed up then!

Chicken Nugget

The rather good Deceiver.com has many examples of why Peta are a load of idiotic hypocrits, but it's amusing to know that animal activists on this side of the pond are also susceptible to moments of brainlessness.

A family friend has an allotment. At this allotment, several plot holders clubbed together to buy some chickens, and being a load of middle class liberalistic enviromentals they endevoured to look after them in the most Jamie Oliverite fashion possible. However, in spite of all the organic grain, fresh water and clean hay, they still turn up one day to find out that someone has stolen the chickens and left a big 'Animal Liberation Front' banner in their place. Strangely enough, the suspicion falls on the one allotment owner who is a member of ALF and also happens to drive a white van like the one that was seen near the coop on the night in question.

It does make you wonder how exactly one 'liberates chickens' - being fat, slow and unable to fly very far, they are not exactly born surivors, particularly not in the Tiddles and Pusskin strewn enviroment of North London...

Oh, except that this is the kicker in this whole tale - these chickens technically were survivors, being that they had already been 'liberated' from a battery farm in the first place by the kind allotmenteers!

Idiots - 1, Chickens - 0

Now With Added Bullshit

I like to think I am a relatively intellegent female - I have a degree, a good job, I regularly read novels that don't come free with magazines and watch BBC 4; yet for some reason, all this vanishes the minute I stumble through the doors at Boots.
Take this facewash I bought yesterday:

Biche in Boots - Ooh! Clean Detox Detoxifying Exfoliation Wash. That sounds incredibly impressive and effective. Two of the words are very long and scientific sounding.

Biche at home - Two of the words are basically the same! And clean is not a million miles away from detox as it is, when we are talking about face scrub opposed to crystal meth... so what we have here is Clean Clean Clean Scrub Wash. So it's basically liquid soap with rough bits in it.

Biche in Boots - Detox Detoxifying? Huzzah! This super product is going to do oh so much more than simply get all the gunk off my face and stop me looking like a crack addled panda after a night out, it will rid my face of all the evil poisons!

Biche at home - What evil poisons? I've never felt the need to detox my face before, how will this product with over 30 ingredients inlcuding 'methyl gluceth-20' and 'ammonium polyacryloyldimethyl' help me detox my visage?

Biche at Boots - Ooh it has 'exfoliating particles to purify pores'! Good good, I do have skanky blackheads.

Biche at home - I want to get rid of my blackheads, not absolve them of all their sins. What does purify actually mean? Is it just a clever way to say 'yeah it won't get RID of the blackheads but you wouldn't buy it if we said that'?

Biche at Boots - The blurb says 'a daily facial cleanser which eliminates impurities (pollution, makeup) from the surface of the skin'.
Well I do work in central London where the sky is low and yellow, and yup, I do wear a bit of foundation and mascara unless I'm really hungover.

Biche at home - If these terrible impurities are simply dirt and makeup, a bloody bar of soap could remove them! And if we are just talking about the surface of the skin, then I could theoretically scrape my face with a toothbrush and eliminate the mingy surface of my skin.

Biche at Boots - It says 'gently apply a hazelnut sized portion of Clean Detox Detoxifying Exfoliation Wash' This coupled with the picture of the plant on the front makes me think I am buying something lovely and natural.

Biche at home - I have no idea how big a hazelnut is. I only ever see them when I bite into my bar of Fruit and Nut.

In conclusion: It doesn't matter how much Doris Lessing or postcolonial discourse I read, when confronted by cheap things to make me beautifuller I turn into a weak willed silly bit of skirt.

What the Ill Informed Have Been Muttering About Today

* Was the Camden Market Fire caused by developers desperate to drive out the last few stall holders who were refusing to sell their pitches to them, so they could build a big glass monstrosity like the Ice Warf on the opposite side of the road?


*Have you ever seen two couples more in the throes of love than the Smiths and the Cruises? Look at the way they are touching! Nothing says 'we have lots and lots of straight up heterosexual relations' more than pointed touching and a dead eyed gaze. (okay pic not great, but if you read the London Paper you will know what I mean)

Yeah okay the ill informed have not been muttering much today. But they will be back tomorrow I am sure

Thai Green Envy

The Guardian, who I would usually expect a little better from, have decided it is high time they followed the the progress of a 19 year old middle class twat called Max Gogarty on his gap year as he wastes his parents money piddling around India and Thailand looking to 'have a good time'

I find this incredibly irksome for several reasons:

1) Don't tell me he doesn't have a relative working at the Granuiad. Thousands of idealistic young kids must send in the article proposal 'I will go travelling and blog my experiences', and no doubt a small fraction were actually really good writers looking for a break*, so why him? Oh right, a quick search of the website brings up Paul Gogarty, travel writer for the same publication. Nepotism much?

2) Anyone with a facebook aged between 18 and 30 will be already inundated by hundreds of hysterically boring and samey accounts of Khao Pi Pi, jungles, buckets and full moon parties not to mention thousands of photos of the above things. By people they actually know. And they are still boring as fuck.

3) I have not been, but I get the impression that Thailand is occupied by one ladyboy, an old lady selling alcohol in seaside buckets and half of the Home Counties loudly braying, boozing and taking hundreds of photos of each other in bikinis. Before going over the border to Cambodia to take a jolly photograph of themselves posing with a machine gun on the Killing Fields. What fun!Maybe if he was going somewhere remotely interesting, unexplored or, lets face it, unexploited, it might be more interesting. Like Iran.

4)For those of you who may consider number 1 a bit unfair, you can read Max's first blog HERE.. Yeah he's not even a particularly interesting writer. It's just so...obvious. And absent of similes or any other allusions (if we are going to get technical) that might make it more amusing or imaginative. What humour that is there seems to come from his variations of the word 'shit'. Oh ho de ho.

So in conclusion, I am very disappointed in the Guardian and until they give me my own blog, where I will recount my far more interesting, unexplored and humorous experiences as I travel to Oxford Circus and sit at my desk daily for three months, I will not be appeased**.


*Not the Biche, it has to be added.. I never got around to sending in my proposal

** If anyone knows anyone at the Guardian please forward this post on to them. With an added request to kick Paul Gogarty in the shins.

Speaking of a Lack of Dignity....

Who the hell would wear this T shirt from Zara? Maybe the same woman I wrote about two posts ago, if the designer vagina recliner is too much of a subtle hint..

Happy 2008 ,You Bastard..

I recently received a desk calendar from a law firm who shall remain nameless. Most big companies shunt out branded crap around this time of the year, and desk calendars are popular as ideally it means you will plonk it on your desk and therefore be reminded of aforementioned big company for the next 52 weeks of the year.

Usually there is an inane theme like 'drawings by kids of the board members' or 'stock photos of seasonally relevent landscapes'.

This firm, either as a reflection of itself, or how it percieves it clientele, appears to have chosen the theme 'Cunty cliche work quotes for the office bastard in your life'Why not spend April 2008 shoving this in the face of anyone who asks you if you could possibly not answer the phone going 'What?' swiftly followed by 'Dunno. Dunno. Well fuck you too Tonto'


June 2008 - the sun will be shining, Glastonbury Festival will be kicking off, you will be in a perpetual sarky sulk because every time you glance at this calendar it both reaffirms your belief that you are a misunderstood by every single one of the 700 plebs you have to work with, and makes you chuckle, you absolute cunt.


July 2008 will be spent pushing around pencils, sighing in a loud irritating fashion and checking your eye wrinkles in the back of a CD (if over 30) and pushing around pencils, sighing in a loud irritating fashion and looking up 1980's cartoons on Wikipedia (if under 30)


2008 will be rounded off by using this quote every time your boss asks you why you have spent all day mooching around the office trying to nick as many different departments' homemade mince pies as possible. They will then prompty fire you and you will spend the Christmas break trying to work out what made you act like such a massive bastard this year.

Richard Littlejohn - He writes for the People

The second in an occasional series of amusing amazon.co.uk book reviews. This week:

Littlejohn's Britain: 'a themed collection of pieces that fires broadside at Blair's Britain and the absurdity of petty bureaucracy' - The cover

'the racist xenophobic witterings of a fool' - The Biche
finally someone gets it, 10 May 2007
By
pablo dombrowski "wewillcomebackasfire" (london) - See all my reviewsat last, a man with the visionary skills to realise how dangerous the London Eye is. So many people don't realise that this is an evil eye. Look at the patterns... it's clearly the eye that the freemasons use to signify control. They're laughing at us people, laughing. They're in league with the communists that make up the so-called labour party, and have ACTUEALLY erected this monument to their control, and we like sheep, actually RIDE IN IT. oh, i could weep for the stupidity of humanity. Buy this book AND LEARN THE TURTH before they get you.

the intellect of this man hath no bounds, 12 May 2007
By
Mr. B. B. N. Farrant "natural history fan" (uk) - See all my reviews One is reminded of Orwell, who once said "Every book is a failure." Well Orwell was clearly a fool and had not stumbled upon 'Littlejon's Britain' whilst browsing on Amazon, for no educated man could dare claim this seminal piece of literature a failure. If, as H.G. Wells assures us, that "Good books are the warehouses of ideas" then this book is a vast chasm of a warehouse, overflowing with such a smorgasbord of enlightened ideas that may liberate us from the shackles of contemporary liberal Britain. Oh how i feel complete having read this book, now i truly understand the meaning of Bernard Shaw's musing, "Only in books has mankind known perfect truth, love and beauty." LittleJohn i am indebted to you. hurrah



A new world dawns at the turn of a page., 12 May 2007
By
Mizake - See all my reviewsWith this insightful, visionary, and - I am not ashamed to say - celestially inspirational commentary on modern life, Richard Littlejohn has rendered the entire canon of Western literature, philosophy and ethical discourse entirely moot. On finishing the book - in one sitting, I might add, its compelling majesty renders one utterly incapable of laying it down - I had no choice but to burn each and every one of the other books I own. Such trinkets are simply unnecessary in the face of such brilliance, in this new and glorious era of "Anno Littlejohn". Yes, I cry, cast Hamlet and Macbeth into the fire! Render the Iliad and the Kalevala into dust! Drive away the librarians and book sellers! No other works are necessary; all knowledge and truth is contained herein. Praise you, Sir Richard, and long may your wisdom guide us all.

Thought provoking stuff!, 12 May 2007
By
Mangina Reilly-Hurtz (Misogyny) - See all my reviewsI read this while awaiting clearance in a terminal at London's Heathrow. By the time I turned over the last page I realised Britain was not for me. Thank you Mr Littlejohn. You have saved me from a squalid life living in a small studio flat above yet another Indian Takeaway or Pizza Delivery service. As for the neighbours I would have had according to you. Well it is not worth thinking about. So I asked for the Immigration Service to return me on the earliest flight back to where I came from. I just wouldn't want to live in a country that produced Littlejohn. Plain and simple

Brilliantly exposes the bonkers values of socialist Britain:, 1 Jun 2007
By
Brian Ginnity (Colchester) - See all my reviews
This book exposes the way we are now governed, which is why a lot of socialists can only respond with mockery and insult. It hits home and they can't handle it. It's the old "we're right (by definition) so anybody who doesn't agree with us must mad, bad or both. That's how the old USSR was able to justify locking up it's political opponents in mental hospitals. The book was a funny and merciless description of the self-serving, hypocrital antics of the likes of Prescott, Blair (Mr and Mrs), police chiefs who refuse to fight crime, councils who refuse to collect rubbish and all the other useless so-and-sos who have got us to where we are now.



Oh wait, that last one could be serious... well anyway, you can find all the reviews here

This Charmless Beeb (or Biche takes a metaphor too far)

Now they say BBC 3 is the televisual equivalent of your boyfriend making you pasta for dinner - it's cheap, a mix of bland and tasteless and you will only eat it when you really can't be bothered to interfere or suggest something else. But for all the disparagment and sneaky bitching to your friends, you realise that there is a certain charm in its homemadeness and that mixed in with the overcooked penne and raw mushrooms there is hope of a better tomorrow - the onions at least were nicely fried and in only half a bottle of oil this time. 'What the hell?' you think, 'I'll stick with it. By next month he might try something more risky and perhaps foreign. An Old El Paso Fajita kit perhaps.'


But yes, BBC3. So much potential, but potential doesn't always pique your interest or allow your bowels to move for two days. So here I suggest my tips for making BBC3 good:

1) Line up the cast of 'Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps' and shoot them. Erase all the tapes, burn all the evidence and then bury it all in the wastelands outside Elstree, which I think that would be Stanmore. Okay, so we can never truly forget, and if we go on holiday to the Rhineland we will have to endure crackpot Bett und Fruhstuck owners swaggering around like Mancs going 'Eh Deneeese get meh kecks will ya oh Jonneh you knobend' but we will merely stare down at our gekochtes Ei with the quiet dignity of those who know there is no point dwelling on our shameful past, but that we look on towards greater things.

2) Fire this Charmless Bellend. For those who don't know (it's not hard, he's so personalityless he often gets upstaged by soft furnishings or the little red light on the bottom of your telly that indicates that it is on) this is Benjamin Fry. He is a 'psychological coach' who gets wheeled out on such magnus opiae as 'Spendaholics' and 'Freaky Eater: Addicted to Spaghetti Hoops' to walk around in a big coat talking to a fat bossy woman about whatever working class oik (and it always is) is being subjected to wanton analysis that week. He then murmurs at aforementioned oik lots of difficult questions like 'so what do you like about Spaghetti Hoops?' before nodding his big luminous head like one of those sunlight activated 'ornaments' you get in Clinton Cards and are found soully on the dashboards of 16 year old girls.
Now I quite like programmes where I can pick up lots of stupid little tips that I think will tremendously benefit my life but that do not in any way shape or form(make a healthy burger bun out a lettuce leaf/don't piss away money on expensive pesto etc) but this vapid nodding gonk makes 'fun factz!' about stuff seem about as interminable and useful as the lord's prayer said through a balaclava. And yet dispite this irrifutable fact he has been on two (and counting!) 'documentary' series for the beleagured channel.

3) Don't Lie! Now we all like our telly to be Glasnost these days, death to nodding shots, death to editing the Queen, death to the Blue Peter cat etc, but BBC 3 wantonly flouts this 'nu truth' with great titles that do not follow through. I will hold my hands up and say yes! 'Addicted to Cheese' and 'Addicted to Spaghetti Hoops' were kinda good in their 'look at the freaky oik' way, but 'Addicted to Chicken'?? That was just a fat girl who occasionally had some wings in between all the pizza, pie, chips and unreformed lard she ate. 'The Real Hustle'? They give them their money back at the end! 'Sex with Mum and Dad'? LIES!!!1!!!

4) Bring back good comedy like 'The Mighty Boosh' and 'The Smoking Room'. Bring back which ever great person commissioned them. Fire the bellend who obviously thought there was a dearth of shite poor sketch shows that further purpogate the myth that women can't be funny and commissioned Touch Me I'm Karen Taylor AND Little Miss Josslyn.

Peter Doherty - he writes for the people

Hilarious amazon reviews of Pete Doherty's latest literary excretion

Shamelessly nicked from Holy Moly, after all my ranting and raging, it is stuff like this that restores my faith in the Great British Public.


"Yeah, right. What a lazy, good-for-nothing scumbag Pete Doherty is. A disgrace to the youth of today. A boy so devoid of charisma, I heard he woke up this morning and saw his name on a loaf of bread but when he looked again he saw it read 'Thick Cut'. "


"The Books of Albion is a harrowing tale, capturing the adventure of a group of noble wood elves and and a cheeky ork as they try to bring down the evil Wizard Of Albion and find themselves in a enchanting journey through mystical lands. Oh hang on, this is the one about that smackhead off the tv, isn't it? "


"what i object to is the worn out and recycled comment that pete doherty fans persist in spewing, namely that he is a 'poet' or a 'genius'. i myself see more 'poetry'and 'genius' in the foul ordure contained in my nephew's nappy each time it is changed. if you can name me one piece of 'genius' that this piddle stained pleb has written, be it song, poem or book i will eat my own head. "

Jason Lee pisses all over my childhood memories...

...well he has already broken my heart with his alien worshipping fake yokel ways, the cunt. In Mallrats he was pretty much the coolest thing to ever ramble around on two legs, and now? Not content with desecrating my memories of him, he has to make one of my favorite childhood cartoons into an excretable Christmas movie, designed purely to kick visiting relatives and small children out the house for two hours between Boxing Day and New Years so Mum can have a fag and a large Avocaat.

CGI? *shudder* WTF? Do they think kids today are too cynical to watch chipmunks with silly voices unless they look like members of NWA? Christ, Alvin looks like he's packing a piece - he wants to stab you in the leg and steal your mobile while Theodore films the whole thing on his phone.

I used to love the Chipmunks, especially the Christmas episode they played every year that I seem to remember involving a harmonica..and the spinoff with the girl chipmunks. Classic!

Jesus why don't I just kneel down now so Jason Lee can stick it in my ear and totally fuck the rest of my memories?

North American Scum

This fat fuck is called 'Big Boy Mark' and has an inane blog which can be found HERE.

I was merely laughing at the corpulent fuck, until I got to his entry on the Virginia Tech Massacre :

"Excuse me, but maybe it’s my instincts, my training, the way I was raised, my desire to live, the strain of whatever idiocy it is that runs thru me that says I will not just roll over and die, I will not surrender and I will not submit, but for the love of God, didn’t ANYONE think of fighting back??"

What was Mark trained as? A human shield? I would say running at a gun-toting madman was almost the same as rolling over and dying, particularly if you are rather rotund and more liable to rolling.

"Did 32 people just say ‘Oh well, he has a gun, I’m guess I’m going to die’?? Did 29 wounded people think, ‘Oh well, he’s shooting us all, I’ll just hide behind a desk and maybe he won’t shoot me again’?? Did no one have the GUTS to RUSH this guy and try to save themselves or their friends?? Apparently not, and for that lack of action, there is no excuse…"

Well it appears no one quite had Big Boy Mark's Guts, that's for sure, thankfully they had guts that could fit behind desks and brains to realise that bum rushing a hale of bullets is suicidal rather than heroic. I think that is actually quite a good excuse, along with the excuse that they were not IDIOTIC LAZY OBESE FUCKTARDS WHO SPEND ALL DAY ON THE SOFA MASTERBATING TO SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. (probably) You know he's sitting there at the computer with cheeto cheese all over his chin and the NRA website on the another window fantasising about saving all those lily-livered coward kids and smoting the evil badguy as one chubby little paw heads south....

"The MSM keeps on referring to the shooter as being heavily armed, well, apparently the MSM has never been to a real gunfight, going to a gunfight with a 9mm pistol and a .22 pistol does NOT qualify as being heavily armed."

Well, if we are going to get all pedantic...the deaths of 32 people is SUCH a good time to discuss the symantics of what 'heavily armed' means.

Really, why spend time critisising the poor people who one minute were taking French lessons, chewing gum and wondering what to have for lunch and the next were fighting for their lives, covered in the blood and brains of their fellow pupils? Why not critisise the authorities who totally failed to evacuate the school/find the shooter/do seemingly anything apart from twiddle their thumbs after the first two people were shot?

I'm so angry I can't even bring myself to laugh at him for being morbidly obsese and the '...what's your excuse' caption.

Photo of the Day - What a Pair of Tits

Only heterosexual men would find this in the remotest way cool and attractive. Heterosexual men who like shagging men when they're 'fucking wasted dude'.
Everyone else would be put off sex/men/their dinner/the human species

Natasha Bedingfield, I Take it Back..

Okay, I don't really, but I have discovered a large jawed blonde who musically and physically makes Miz Bedingfield look like the new Madonna-Kylie savior of all music. Who is this awful wench I hear you cry?

CASCADA!


You know if you listen to the radio/MTV a lot (or in my current unemployed state, spend time in the gym where MTV Dance is blasted out at Noriega surrendering levels, rendering even ipods useless) there are always certain songs you don't out and out hate because they are too lame and dirivitive to actually inspire emotion,but suffer stoicly? (much like a russian peasant pulling a plough across a potato farm in a blizzard)


That dance version of Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply?
That rip off of Toca's Miracle?
That godforsaken 'Everytime We Touch'?
At least four others which I thankfully cannot recall at this time?

CASCADA DID THEM ALL!

The woman isn't actually calle Cascada, and there are at least two dj's who make up this trio of the damned, but I don't care because she has terrible extensions that make her look like she has a long haired terrier trapped under her Bruce Willis jaw and I am a deeply shallow person. Who hates alcopop dance music. (except Perfect Exceeder which is a TUNE)

LDN is a Victim

I'm sure you've probably all heard of this song, which parodies the whole London mockney scene (if not you can hear it HERE)

I'm a bit in two minds about it. On one hand, it's good that someone has finally taken the piss out of the whole 'rich kids talking like chimneysweeps' thing, but on the other hand, I think it could have been done A LOT better.

I'm also a bit down on their criticising music through the medium of social class because quite a lot of the London acts they parody are actually really good musically, and in this day and age, who cares if they are middle class? (beyond the mockney accents which I admit are rather gratingly unnecessary)

I think it would have been better to take the mic out of everyone's love elitism and dressing up in neon in that way which would be terribly origional if everyone didn't look pretty much the same and exactly like the cast of Skins.

I mean, they didn't even mention Dirtydirtydancing, Antisocial et al, !Wowow! Old Street or cocaine, and that's pretty much the crux of this these days isn't it?

On the third hand (?) the Nathan Barley quote at the end of the song totally sums it up:
'Stupid people think it's cool. Smart people think it's a joke: also cool.'

Subject Line of Email I Just Recieved...

'Amazon.co.uk recommends Serial Killers: The Methods and Madness of Monsters and more'

Oh whoop-de-do!, one random purchase four years ago and they now have me down as a psycho nut! I must have bought at least ten Shakespeare study guides and studies of Postcolonial discourse off Amazon since then, but noooo! I'm a loony lover!

(in case you were curious, the 'more' was in fact a load of Shakespeare, Kitsune Maison Vol 3, Startling the Flying Fish and Ed Rec Vol 2...I also appear to be erroniously down as a lover of obscure compilation CDs)

Thank god I order the hundred of books on self improvement, faddy diets and ubertrash fiction* on the flatmate's account!

*one book on the G.I diet which I followed for about a week a year ago. What a waste of time. I think it's now levelling a wonky wardrobe far away from my illustrious bookcase.

Incidentally - Apple Cider Vinegar update? Had an old bottle which merely resulted in a rather flatulent night for the flatmate and I, no further effects noticed, apart from my increased ability to swallow ikky tasting fluids, which someone less uptight and reserved than myself might openly consider a bonus.