Korea Koolness

Remember when I previously blogged about these people who had turned kids doodles into real professional cartoons?

Well Korea (yes the WHOLE country) has gone one better and turned kids drawings into real life. Supacool! (click pix to see bigger)

Dragonball Squee

Why yes, your eyes do not deceive you, it is indeed a statue of an ejeculating Manga boy, looking eerily like something out of Dragonball Z if the programme included the cumshots that go with the characters dubious 'gnerrrrrrrrrrrr!' 'urrrrrrhg!' noises they spend half each episode making.

Is it art? Is it one of those things you can buy in Akihabra for about £3? Is it every parent's worst nightmare?

These are all vaguely relevant questions. But more to the point, how much would you pay for it?









How about £2,000,000?

No Joke or a Lie

Holy Screensplits Batman!

Ooh I've been looking for an excuse to post something about the new Batman film for a while now... they have been doing some amazing viral work for it, which is hugely elaborate and most pointless as the film is clearly going to be huger than huge and would have been before poor Heath popped it anyway...

But I digress, the official trailer for the Dark Knight came out late last week, but after only about 24 hours the obsessive viral addicts already noticed that it seemed slightly familiar... them clever marketing people have done it again!

The film above splits the screen between the new trailer and the original 1989 Batman trailer. Observe. Genius.

Love Is...

...nicking stuff off THIS website!

Who Watches the Watchmen?

Geek that I deep down am (well, scratch the surface really) I was quite excited by these photos of Ozymandias, the Nite Owl and the Comedian from the upcoming film of Alan Moore's Watchmen. I was somehow drawn into a massive long ramble about graphic novels just last week, where I waxed lyical about the complex storylines, the art and the skill at being able to convey a wide range of emotions or a whole backstory in just a frame to some family friends. Unfortunately for all my oratorial olympics, every time I paused for breath they would respond 'oh so they are like cartoons right?' or 'like Garfield?' until I imagined a graphic frame of me howling with frustration, causing the walls to shake, fists clenched and face upturned. It would be from above so you saw my upturned face with gritted teeth and eyes desparing, and I am flanked by the two well meaning family friends, one of whom has taken a Peanuts anthology from the shelf and is gesturing to it as if to say 'like this?' The other one would be wearing a cardigan and holding a mug saying 'Abergavenny Jazz Festival 1999' Don't you wish I could draw huh? Anyway, I really hope Watchmen will be good, Moore's other works that have been filmified range from V for Vendetta (v good) and From Hell (alright, but ruined by some shocking accents but saved by Johnny Depp) to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (poo, dispite the presence of Stuart Townsend) One thing I wonder is how they are going to film the ending, which has New York being destroyed by a nuclear bomb for a greater good*. Mind you, they did Cloverfield, so I think Hollywood has got over the whole 'thousands of New Yorkers being killed by terrorists seven years ago' thing, those brave resilient Los Angeles producers...









*Well, in a rather large nutshell, but I don't want to ruin the book for people who haven't read it and really really should.

What's That Coming Over The Hill..

... is it a giant anthropomorphised paedophile hand? Giant anthropomorphised paedophile hand!

Photograph taken from my recent-ish travails in Japan. I mean, I am assuming that is vaguely what it means, but given that I can't so much write my name in the language it could just be a health warning about dirty fingernails or something.

I am quite amused by the idea of loads of little Japanese kids growing up in fear of giant floating evil hands; a completely irrational, imagination fuelled fear much like the one I suffered from when locked my dolls in the bathroom every night for a couple of years after watching Childs Play.

I then saw it again about six years later when I was about thirteen and felt like a right tool as it could actually be the most un scary shit horror film ever.

Photo of the Day - "Hello Kitty, Make My Day"

Those of you who read this blog often might remember my post about Hello Kitty Airlines, where I wondered if there was anything you couldn't buy with Kitty on it. Well it now turns out that if you were fed up of eating your Hello Kitty shaped chicken pasta while the Hello Kitty air hostess ignores your request for a Hello Kitty sickbag, you could hold the muthafucker up with this delightful AR-15 rifle.

What next? Hello Kitty machetes? Hello Kitty euthanasia kits? HELLO KITTY GAS CHAMBERS??*

*if anyone has a link for these..

The Speeches of Biches - Heartily Not Endorsing Adele

In a shock move that departs from every single other outlet that could even possibly call itself 'media', The Speeches of Biches has decided not to endorse Adele as The Next Big Thing and Our Lord and Saviour. Chasing Pavements is an overblown crash of a meaningless song, and she looks like the bastard child of Moomintroll and Little My.

However it is not all subversion and Finnish cartoons here at Speeches HQ. I am most heartily and in a flag waving fashion 'bigging up' Ready for The Floor by Hot Chip...


I have to admit the lead singer reminds me a little bit too much (in real life, not in this vid particularly) of one of those humanities students who go out of their way to be fucking wacky all the time... like wandering into a conversation and going 'hey guys! I was thinking, would you rather live in a bouncy castle or on a cloud?' and then the one friend you have who is a bit that way inclined but you tolerate it because they are otherwise cool, will go 'Oh man I would have a cloud called Cloudopolis and it would thunder purple when I fart and I would rain cheese all over your Bouncy Cottage' and they would then start a four hour dialogue about utter bullshit while you grind your teeth and wish for a falling bit of overhead masonry.

But the guitarist looks like Boris Becker so I forgive them.

The Perry Bible Fellowship

Is a fantastic way to piffle away time, as not only is it very funny, the illustration is superb (should you care about that kind of thing) Okay, it's just very very funny.

You can see a huge collection of pbf comic strips HERE


I think there is also a book of them all you can buy from Amazon*

*Biche covers her back for using images without permission

Me as a f**king Simpson!!1!1!

Pretty much as plain and dull as in real life then! You could go to the Simpsons Movie website and make one of yourself but nooooooooooo! You are clever people who are not sucked into elaborate advertising campaigns for upcoming summer blockbusters! You want to just stare at a dull cartoon of the Biche!

The Muppets F**k the Police

Ha, got to love my hypocrisy that it feels kind of wrong writing the title of this post without the **, but as my Jason Lee post shows, I am generally far from adverse to using bad language.

But anyway, here is a delightful little video found by my friend Acrobat..it also brings the number of posts I have written about NWA up to at least three, which is quite remarkable given that I own no albums by the said rap combo, and indeed they have featured very little in my life bar when I went to sixth form and one of the feeder schools was called Compton.

Jason Lee pisses all over my childhood memories...

...well he has already broken my heart with his alien worshipping fake yokel ways, the cunt. In Mallrats he was pretty much the coolest thing to ever ramble around on two legs, and now? Not content with desecrating my memories of him, he has to make one of my favorite childhood cartoons into an excretable Christmas movie, designed purely to kick visiting relatives and small children out the house for two hours between Boxing Day and New Years so Mum can have a fag and a large Avocaat.

CGI? *shudder* WTF? Do they think kids today are too cynical to watch chipmunks with silly voices unless they look like members of NWA? Christ, Alvin looks like he's packing a piece - he wants to stab you in the leg and steal your mobile while Theodore films the whole thing on his phone.

I used to love the Chipmunks, especially the Christmas episode they played every year that I seem to remember involving a harmonica..and the spinoff with the girl chipmunks. Classic!

Jesus why don't I just kneel down now so Jason Lee can stick it in my ear and totally fuck the rest of my memories?

More North American Scum

Aah, nothing like a nice right-wing american cartoon to fire the blood up on a Sunday afternoon, just a mere two days after convincing yourself that idiots like Big Boy Mark were one-off fuckwits who were in no way representative of the Leaders of the Free World (c)

note: Free World = US and the UK, everyone else is enslaved either to an false prophet or to their sisters who they spend all their time fucking, whilst eating garlic cheese, smoking funny little cigarettes and avoiding war outside bistros of EVIL

It may take a few seconds to work out this cartoon, I certainly stared at it with the kind of confused anger usually shown on the face of someone who has just come home to find their husband boffing their pet dog (I imagine)

I think my dear friend Acrobat put it most simply:

"cos school shooting s are EXACTLY THE SAME as abortions"

At the end of the day it's hard to get too angry however... I mean, these people who believe in critisizing murdered teenagers, bombing abortion clinics and hating arabs are on the whole the same people who believe in hell. Therefore even if I am wrong and our conciousnesses do not die with our physical bodies, it means they won't be in for a big suprise.

kudos to Acrobat for the cartoon (pointing out of, not drawing of, I hasten to add)

I Shit You Not - Hello Kitty Airways!

Well, actually Eva Air in Singapore have made some Hello Kitty themed planes, I imagine so the MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY RETARDED can go on holiday. Or children, same difference.

Actually what I find most amazing in the care taken with the in-flight food...carrots shaped as Kitty? Something dubious that could be egg shaped as Kitty? Frankly I'm disappointed the meat in the curry isn't shaped into comical feline form! (I like the way in the pic to the right they have laid out every individual Kitty corn snack, it half smacks of Singaporian fastidiousness that they want to show you exactly how many snacks you get, and it half looks like the dinner of an obsessive compulsive paedophile psycho.)










kudos to rojaks for the images

Person of the Day - Mr Bananagrabber

"I guess it would just be a guy who, you know, grabs bananas and runs. Or a banana that grabs things. I don't know. Why would a banana grab another banana? I mean those are the kind of questions I don't want to answer."

Kiwi Tears My Heart Apart

I'm sure most people will have already seen this animation of the kiwi bird, which was recently voted 'cutest thing on youtube'.
I personally would vote it 'most heartwrenchingly tragic thing on youtube', but then it appears people's opinions differ wildy, as I will outline below.

The Biche: "Oh GOD. I think I just died a little inside. What cute pathos is this? Oh woe, life is so short and cruel."

The Flatmate: after being dragged away from her breakfast to watch the thing by a wobbily lipped Biche
"So is a Kiwi a real bird then? Right. You didn't say it was an animation. Ah. Cup of tea?"

The Brother: in faux camp accent
"Oh, it is SO cute. Look at his little face."

The Benjamin: online, but clearly shellshocked
"That's quite upsetting. Pretty damn cute, if very upsetting."
then, when he is told he is being quoted:
"how about this...."
nothing appears
"no, use the last thing"
"I'm trying to be funny but it's just not happening."


So there. Now I must go mend my broked heart with chocolate.

The Drama of Everyday Life

Kudos to Hemen for this... Weird Al Yankovitch's parody of 'Trapped in the Closet' by R Kelly.

Fabulous!

Out Of The Fists of Babes

This is such a good idea for a site...proper real cartoonists take kid's drawings and turn them into proper real cartoons. It reminds me a bit of an article in the Face Magazine years ago when they got kids to listen to newly released songs and draw what they make them feel. I remember a child writing that Metallica makes him feel 'like a drummer in love' which is possibly the best and most flattering thing written about Metallica ever.



http://www.drawergeeks.com/Kid_Creatures/Kid_Creatures.html